Letters from the lesbian underground

I have MOVED

2011-10-17T14:32:00.001-07:00

This blog will serve as an archive, but this blog has moved....and the goals of the blog have evolved.

I am looking for additional writers...here is the blurb. Join me if you are interested! Comment or email LFLU on the wordpress account.

Good afternoon everyone,
I started Letters from the Lesbian Underground during the 2008 Presidential Campaign as an outlet to my thoughts and feelings about culture, race, ideologies, and personal matters that affect the lives of Lesbians in the world. The blog was nothing more than a platform to convey my frustrations and celebrations to individuals, groups, and the Nation through letters (http://lettersfromthelesbianunderground.blogspot.com/). The more I wrote, the more I thought something was missing….

My voice was only one opinion. This blog needed to be more voices and more thoughts. It needed to be larger than one individual. The movement of people and cultures may start with an individual, but it takes a group of people with passion and vision to enact real change.

So, this is where you come in. I am looking for people who are willing to be part of this project. Your level of commitment would be up to you. Write when you have something to say. Write when you feel inspired. Write when you want to stick it to the man. Just write.

If you are interested, please contact me with your email preference and I will add you to the LFLU (http://lettersfromthelesbianunderground.wordpress.com/) writers listing. All you would need to do is create a handle and start writing. By signing up through wordpress, you will have the ability to connect your own personal blog or just keep that to yourself and have that page serve as a bio.

If you are prepared to join me in the journey of voices, then I must say, “Welcome to Letters from the Lesbian Underground!”

Life throws tumbleweeds that eat you alive

2011-04-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

This writing thing is just so sporatic for me. I have moved back to my Southern California homeland and find myself juggling just a bit more than my Iowa lifestyle was used to. I grew calm in the loss of things to accomplish. Sitting on the couch, looking at the snow, trying to stay warm...those were the things that were strenuous. Southern California, and its overabundant craziness is taking a bit longer to get used to.

I love it. Don't get me wrong. How can you not love the daily weather. I have no more seasonal depression. I don't feel like I am going to get stuck in a ditch, eaten by a wampa ice creature, and my family has to use the fur of the wampa to survive. It's good to not have those fears.

I do lean on a little complaining as there is just so much to do. There are people that I actually see. I am not a shut-in. I travel to them on a freeway and hang out. I drive on a bloody freeway....not a dirt road, but a BUSY freeway. I'm in an alternate universe. After living a very (almost) solitary existence (w/a wife and dog), I find myself surrounded by parents, an additional animal, old friends, brother, visitors, a full-time job with more people, and thousands of beer options. It's quite overwhelming.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, I am freaking overwhelmed with life. I need a break. I need a cabin. I need an isolated cabin (wampa free) with just my wife and two dogs. I can feel the peace now. I need an isolated wampa-free-cabin, the wife and dogs, no allergies, and beer. No, I need an isolated wampa-free-cabin, the wife and dogs, no allergies, beer, and a pillowtop king bed, deluxe bathroom and 90 inch screen television. Yes, that's it. I feel better already.

Yes, a hypoallergenic isolated wooded area. Oh, did I mention I am allergic to everything? Yup, I have a severe allergy for every season. I have a severe allergy for trees, grass, molds, dust, and weeds that grow everywhere. The doctor told me that's why I get sick all the time. Really? That is odd. Why would someone who never has a break from the world ever get sick? Doesn't make any sense at all to me. Yes, that's what I need an isolated wampa-free-hypoallergenic-isolated-wooded-area, the wife and dogs, no allergies, beer, and a pillowtop king bed, deluxe bathroom and 90 inch television.

What to do about food? Oh, I am allergic to those too. No potato, corn, coffee, cocoa, milk, pecans, clams (don't even start), baker's yeast, eggs, banana, orange, apple, and garlic. GARLIC? Are you kidding? Garlic is the official spice for EVERYTHING. Anyway, I would like to find an isolated wampa-free-hypoallergenic-isolated-wooded-area with the wife and dogs, no allergies, beer, and a pillowtop king bed, deluxe bathroom, 90 inch television, and allergy free food. Ahhhh, yes, that sounds better.

Of course, I will want to leave that cabin in less than a week, but I feels good to dream about it.

Ahhhh dreams....just as good as virtual reality.

silly wampas.

No sleep till Popeyes.

2010-08-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

I am really tired today and have been running on rocket fuel (Lo-carb monster energy drinks). I got a little loopy and this is what happened.

Never IM and sleep at the same time.

me: I'm on my second energy drink

Becky: jeez! i had a lg dr pepper with my taco bell and that lasted me through the afternoon
me: screw that...I am running on rocket fuel

Becky: hahahaha

me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvYIpa1Ulvw
Positive K - I Got A Man
it's a good reminder how far society has come

Becky: i need some orange spandex now

me: heh

Becky: and maybe some scrunchy socks to work out in

me: those need to die
they still sell them

Becky: i know
it's criminal

me: so are leggings though

Becky: those are only ok if you are 18-20 and tiny as shit

me: that's a narrative that is not true
you know what else is not okay

Becky: jean leggings?

me: someone inviting me to get lunch at Chick-fil-A
WHO THE FUCK EAT THERE ANYMORE?

Becky: are you anti-chicken or anti-christian chicken?

me: ummm Popeyes
I'm anti-poor-choice

Becky: ah, i see
popeyes is far superior
it being southern and all

me: umm, is there another chain that serves decent chicken?
no
KFC is a shit bomb
and Chik-Fil-A can't even spell anything correctly

Becky: there's a place called Raisin' Caines that has phenomenal chicken fingers

me: you might as well drink a vat of vegetable oil

Becky: they're only in college cities tho

me: it's cheaper and tastes about the same

Becky: started in BR, btw

me: gotcha

Becky: you've had raisin caines?

me: you are totally ruining my complaining
I have not had them

Becky: they mean business!

me: My soapbox is no longer
lol

Becky: hahahahaha
that's what i can do for ya!

me: it's really unfair because you can't bring in a non-national chain

Becky: they're going national - slowly but surely
their dipping sauce is super addictive

me: NOT QUICK ENOUGH

Becky: LOL - you are insane

me: no, just tired
although, insanity is close to godliness
so FoxNews says

Becky: true dat

me: maybe I'm just the next jesus
maybe I could be someone's personal jesus

Becky: if i decide to go all religious on you, you'll be the first to know!

me: or I could just buy a depeche mode cd
I need sleep
and this is totally going on my blog

*I need help*

Dog Beach

2010-08-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

The wife and I took Buddy to dog beach. He didn't like it. I found it hilarious that Buddy had trouble understanding the ocean. I think it's because he isn't a California native. Maybe he only dreamed about the ocean and learned about it from watching Laguna Beach on MTV. One can only guess.

Buddy is from Missouri and moved to Iowa when we rescued the little bugger. His first bout with snow was actually much easier than his attempt at the ocean. He romped and roamed around flicking the snow up in the air and catching it in his mouth.

You need to know he loves water. He loves to swim. Even though those are both facts, he had a different opinion about the ocean.

Here are his thoughts translated for your reading pleasure.

"What am I walking on?"

"Why is that man wearing a piece of floss? Put some clothes on."

"What the F**K is that foam?"

"YOU PEOPLE COME HERE FOR FUN???"

"Is that water? Why is it chasing me? Why is it leaving? Why is it chasing me? Is that water?"

"This water tastes like a salt lick"

"You go in. What the hell do I need to experience this for?"

"OH COME ON! Was bringing me in the water absolutely necessary?"

"These other dogs are idiots."

Needless to say, we made it about 30 mins before he completely gave up. He ran toward the water and ran away when it came back. It reminded me of a little child on his first trip to the beach.

You might ask: Stacy, will you be going back? Yes. We will be taking buddy to a different beach and trying again.

Will he enjoy the trip? I doubt it.

The loud few

2009-10-15T14:35:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

I have a very cool thing to write this week. I know I don't update all that often, and I don't talk too much about serious things, but I have been touched and thankful for something a friend of mine did the other day. Let me preface by clarifying this friend is straight, a sorority sister, and straight...oh yeah, did I mention she is super straight? It's true.

Well, regardless, she has been embroiled in a facebook discussion with one of her old "friends" from high school. This "friend", as she puts it and I will now refer to a Jaqueline Dumas, is mad about the Harvey Milk Day bill that was just approved by the conservative Republican Governor of California. This day would be recognized as a special day (kids would still have to be at school) but the day would be recognized in California just like Martin Luther King Jr. & Cesar Chavez Day. Well, not officially, as those days the student have off from school, but I digress.

Anyway, the girl (Dumas) posted some jargon about how California is disappointing her for dedicating a day to a child molester, gay man, and felon. Then, she went on to post an article from a super-duper right wing faction newspaper and their fake journalist about how we are all going to burn in hell for the political decisions that we have made. My friend questioned her allegations and was told that Dumas got all her source material from Google. My friend, the paralegal, got her information from a little different source that wasn't WhiteJesuswiki and set the record straight on Harvey Milk.

This is where it gets fun. Another "friend" of the "friend", whom I shall refer to a Tweedle DUMB decided to respond to my friends post. She proceeded to tell my friend that she knows where her heart is and knows that those who wish to join the kingdom of heaven (probably doesn't have beer or wine there) would have to set the record straight with their Lord and Saviour. My friend responded with a retort about how she was thankful she was being told she was going to hell for supporting Harvey Milk Day. The girl denied saying anything about hell and.....well, you know how the rest of this goes. Being gay is a choice, being gay is against the Lord's will, gays are evil, being gay is like Saved by the Bell: The New Class, etc, etc, blah blah, blah blah

Here is where I respond with some thoughts.

1. I love my friend. I think the hardest thing about being a friend to gay people is having to finally open your eyes and ears to the idiots in the world. I have been hearing nothing but crap like this for years. I am used to it. When it starts to annoy my uber straight friends, watch out world, we are coming to get you.

You f**ked with the wrong straighty.

2. I am thankful for those people who stand up for the gays. We get tired. I have a special gay de-stresser mantra I go through when I get annoyed or saddened by the inaccuracies that are put out there. I usually put on some Glee or NCIS and say, 'stupid people get in the way of my tv time....stupid people get in the way of my tv time.....'

3. Do we delete these people? I don't know.

4. In all seriousness, I am thankful for all the people out there who are having these discussions and actually standing up to the idiots who use facebook as a political forum for straight, white, heterosexual "justice." It needs to be done. By not saying anything because we confirm these viewpoints to be "idiotic," we essentially allow them to continue. Plus, gay people are tired of fighting alone. I had to delete all the people that were driving me nuts during Prop 8 because I felt overwhelmed by the "Yes on 8" stuff. It made me sad. I got tired and frustrated. Some people don't realize how much we see all this kind of stuff. It is everywhere. It's with a small "It's so gay" on the bus. It's with a loud "faggot" being spoken at a football or softball game. It's with these things being said and no one saying anything except the gays. Here are the truths...

Gay Truths
1. Gays get sad.
2. Gays get overwhelmed.
3. Gays get tired.
4. Gays need help.
5. Gays love parades about as much as the Irish.
6. Gays hear negative stuff every single day.

So, when one of my friends does even the slightest thing like this, it keeps me motivated. It keeps me going. It gives me just a little more energy to tell the kid on the bus to stop saying those words. It gives me a little more energy to speak up again. When this kind of stuff happens, it makes me less of an exhausted gay. I am thankful for these little moments, because they are few-and-far-between the rest of the other moments...

So thank you straight friends. Thank you for declaring your support on Facebook, myspace, twitter, the blogs, and in person. Thank you. You just gave me hope again for a more positive future.

Stacy

It's a dog's life for me.

2009-09-23T12:20:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

I would rather be doing what my dog is doing than working. Yes, you heard it here first...I think working (defined as 9-5pm, barely a lunch break to be seen, and dressing up...ugh) is overrated.

I know this is a bit of a "power statement," but I know it holds truth. We work all the time so we can have something fulfilled. Whether the fulfillment comes in monetary benefits, "making a difference", or keeping us busy, we all seem to have to do it. I propose something completely opposite. I suggest we take the "Dog's guide to life" approach. I know there is a book out there compiling this type of information, but I don't think he used my reasoning.

We should be like my dog.

1. When you are hungry, claw your owner (spouse, friend, anyone willing to pay for you) until they feed you. Don't back down. Just keep attacking. If they don't get up and give you food, then bark or whine at them. Not only is this a tactical approach, it uses guilt as its most valuable weapon. Kids have learned the same tactic. The girls on MTV's Sweet 16 seem to have it down to a science. Screw unconditional love, get me a cheeseburger. When it comes down to it, this requires little work for food. A few barks or yells here, and a few band-aids there, Voila!

2. Find fulfillment in sleeping long hours. I think we should move to a European (certain countries) style of working. Short hours, work done in spurts, drinking all other hours, dancing until late at night, then sleeping in, and doing it all over again. It sounds good to me. Buddy wakes up, eats, works a little on his bone or sheep that actually makes noises when you bite it, and goes back to bed. He repeats this same practice about three times during the day. I say we do the same thing. He seems to have a happy life working short hours. Why can't we?

3. The Dog Park as a vacation. Buddy and the dog park are like peanut butter and jelly. They just make sense together. I think he might believe he is going off to Bermuda or San Diego. The guy just loves his little short vacations. He goes to visit friends he has made. He sniffs around, pees a little leaving his mark for others to smell, and occasionally stops to take a good wiff of the wind. I say we do the same thing. Hell, in Iowa, going to Des Moines has become a vacation. The wife and I load up in the car, go to Costco, grab a beer at a sub-par microbrewery, and say hi to some friends who are too lazy to get their ass up to our area. Why travel extensively when you are on a budget like most of us are? Take the small trips. Use them to your advantage. During the winter, a trip to Des Moines can mean the difference between me killing everyone in sight or letting one extra jackass drive past me at 75 mph in a whiteout.

4. Digging holes to nowhere puts a smile on the face. Buddy loves digging holes to nowhere. Is there a worm down there? A small woodland creature? Who the hell knows. I don't think it matters. Since my pup is of the terrier persuasion, he loves digging holes to nowhere. I think we can find the same fulfillment in our lives. I often dig holes to nowhere. I might spend 13 hours working on some sort of project only to find myself scratching my head, laughing, and then going to sleep fulfilled. Hell, at least I did something with my day, even if the bookshelf is crooked, falling over, and has given me 45 splinters. It was totally worth it because the beer was good. There's nothing better than doing something with all your might, regardless of the outcome. I dig a LOT of holes.

5. Put your head out the window when driving. How many of us forget to open the windows on a really nice day? I see cars that have their windows closed, the air on, the music on, and BORED people. It's very depressing. I say, put those windows down. Hell, keep on the air if you have to. Put the windows down and let the air come in. Don't worry about your hair. If you are anything like me, you don't have much. Stop worrying. There's freedom in having the wind in your hair and the world in front of you. If Buddy likes it, so can I. Bugs have tons of protein, so stop complaining.

6. Dressing up can be fun. Why can't it be Halloween all year? Who says you can't be a Pirate all day long?

7. Keep your shades on. Buddy has a pair of Hannah Montana glasses that he doesn't actually mind wearing. While on the trip back out to Iowa, from California, Buddy decided to keep them on long after my wife originally forced him to wear the shades. He sat in the car with his head high, his ego fully in tact, and occasionally I felt him wishing he had cool parents. If he could have, I am sure he would have given us the paw. The thing he understood is that individual style matters. He was rockin' the shades for the long haul. Keep your shades on. Stay relaxed, cool, and comfortable. Life is too short to be a jackass.

Enough said.

Going home to take the dog out,

Stacy

Post for a cold day

2009-09-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

I thought I would fight off the terrible Iowa weather (i.e. the start of fall and the end of my shorts season) by posting one of my favorite conversations of all time. It really needs no introduction, so I will keep it brief. This conversation illustrates some of the finer points of the english language and the cultural differences that add humor to the world.

Just read. This is the famous "Ink Pen" conversation.

Me: The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool
Me:I could quote shakespeare all day long
Friend: I wish it made me feel better
Me: Nothing will come of NOTHING
Me: The worst is not, so long as we can say, "This is the worst"
Me: I forgot about King Lear
Friend: he never stopped thinking about you
Me: yeah
Friend: what did you have for dinner last night?
*ignored friend for about 2 minutes*
Friend: HEY - Batwoman
Me: I ate a piece of Catfish
Me: that I cajunized
Friend: intersting ... i wonder why people don't say that they ate a piece of cow
Me: yeah
Me: they say Steak to make themselves feel better
Friend: haha
Friend: yeah .. you could only sell cow pieces for about 2.99/lb
Friend: and why does the name Catfish have the word fish in it? Who thought up that brilliant name? We get it - it's a fish...just seems redundant to me
Me: yeah
Me: well, if you called it cat, I think some people would have a problem
Friend: I suppose ... would have been easier to think up a name that hadn't been used already
Friend: I have the same issue with kansas city, oklahoma city, new york city
Friend: pick a different name, for fuck's sake
Me: Yeah
Friend: We get it - they are cities
Friend: haha
Me: It's hard to tell with all the big buildings
Friend: Maybe i should drive there in my nissan maxima car
Me: It could have been Oklahoma Farm if we didn't make sure we named is first
Me: Well, you could take the freeway road
Friend: haha
Friend: I'll have to bring lots of dollar money with me
Me: Don't forget the quarter coins for parking
Friend: yes
Friend: and i'll walk around for hours and hours on the sidewalk concrete
Friend: and drink lots of beer alcohol
Me: Be sure to check out Norstroms Store
Friend: and listen to jazz music, rock music, and blues music
Me: Maybe I should join you on my bicycle transportation to save on gas fuel
Friend: omg .. that reminds me of a phrase i sued to hear in KY all the time .. drove me NUTS
Friend: people there would always say "ink pen"
Me: hahahaahahahahaha
Friend: what other kind of pens are there?
Friend: is that so i don't get confused and write with a coal pen?
Friend: or a blood pen?
Friend: or a urine pen?
Friend: the first time I heard some dumbass say that, especially with the accent, it took me about 20 times to figure out what he was saying
Friend: Hey, lemme borrow your ink pen
Me: don't forget about a lead pencil
Friend: haha
Friend: or the chalk chalk
Me: That's a little redundant, don't you think?
Friend: and bring your clock watch so you know what time it is
Me: Shit, I have to pack my paperback book and hardcover books still
Friend: burn them
Me: what would I use, a matchstick?
Friend: with fire
Friend: make sure you use the flame fire though ... that's the best kind
Me: yeah, I wish I had my hand-held personal fire lighter
Friend: does it have a flame?
Me: yes
Me: sorry, hand-held personal fire flame lighter
Friend: is it also hand operated?
Me: yes
Me: hand-held, hand operated personal fire flame lighter
Me: I think I lost mine in the great car cleaning of 2006
Friend: ok .. this is just sad ...
Me: what?
Friend: this is a line from an ad for the Oshkosh converntion and visitors bureau ...
Me: why are you looking at that in the first place?
Friend: "Notice what Oshkosh has to offer you ... From Sawdust Days to the Leach Ampitheater, Oshkosh guarantees you will notice the excitement of the city"
Friend: it is in a magazine
Friend: that's the best they could come up with??? sawdust days????
Friend: Oshkosh offers it all
Me: yeah, it seems to
Friend: I could never live there .. I would just feel too dumb saying the name all the time
Friend: Oshkosh - hey, it ryhmes
Friend: why didn't they just name it umpa lumpa and be done with it?

After this, both of us became silent for about 15 minutes as my friend read the conversation again. I was working.

This is what I received next.

Friend: haha
Friend: hahaha - pretty funny
Me: you re-read it?
Friend: our conversations are the weirdest, most random streams of thought
Friend: it's like a dream sequence during the REM phase of sleep

Best conversation for a rainy day. I hope you enjoyed our REM dream sequence.

Stacy

Beer of the Weekend

2009-09-17T10:56:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

I am going to start a new wave of postings. I have decided that I should add my love of beer to my blog about lesbians. This blog will now feature the postings, "Beer of the Weekend". Look for it. Love it. Comment on it. Let's spice this baby up.

For the inaugural beer, I am going with my neighbors to the north. Surley brewing has an awesome selection for the almost fall/holding on to summer weather.

Grab a lawn chair.

Get the bocce ball ready.

Pop the top on the can.

drink.

Admire the aluminum.

Enjoy.

Surly Cynic Ale, I salute you as my beer of the weekend.

Website tasting notes
Cynic - Oh great, a fizzy yellow beer in a can, that's just what the craft beer world needs! CnynicAle melds Old World ingredients in a new school style. French malted barley, English oats and Belgian yeast create honey & black pepper flavors. Lively Slovenian hops provide the floral, apricot and peach notes. Toss your doubts away, toss one back and enjoy!
IBUs - 33
ABV - 6.5%
Cans and Kegs Availabilty - Year Round

Looking for answers?

2009-09-02T07:29:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

People are often looking for information that they are unable to find. For instance, I am always in need of help locating my watch, car keys, or answer to Newton's third law. When someone on facebook recently posted they were "looking for answers," I knew I could finally do some good for this world. I hopped online. Turned on the bat phone. Put on the bat signal. Telepathically communicated that I needed help from my buddy Steve. He replied. We created this list. I hope you are able to find what you are looking for.

1. It's in the top left dresser drawer
2. Turn right when you get to the end of the stop
3. Rosebud
4. x=2.495
5. Only if you don't go looking for trouble
6. In the eye of the beholder
7. If you believe He exists
8. 300
9. Sanford, Chickering and Holland
10. On Grand Ave
11. Panama Jack
12. John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Huckleberry Finn
13. No
14. Personal bank accounts at Washington Mutual
15. ID#886543925
16. Ear fungus
17. Indian lunch buffet
18. Dodgeball
19. Vegas on February 23, 2014
20. Case Western Reserve University
21. Scorpio
22. 37 IBU
23. Chicken fights
24. roast leg of lamb
25. time in a bottle
26. 6 of one, half a dozen of the other
27. shut your pie hole
28. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain
29. Turn this mother out
30. Monkeys
31. UW-Green Bay
32. Santa Fe, NM
33. Dogfish 120 Minute IPA
34. Deluxe mixed nuts
35. Take a right where the Miller's farm used to be
36. Tie a knot in it
37. Lindsey Lohan
38. Colonel Mustard in the library with the lead pipe
39. Unfiltered
40. San Fernando Valley
41. Mr. Withers
42. The third law
43. Firecrackers at dawn
44. Like taking candy from a baby
45 Jeepers
46. Lemon ricotta pancakes
47. Anti-itch cream
48. Tiny Tim
49. Don Knotts
50. Spicy crab dip

You are welcome,

Stacy

Twitter

2009-09-01T06:57:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

I am on twitter.

Signed,

Questionable Twatter

****

That's how I feel about Twitter. I have trouble with the whole thing. I have facebook, email, google chat, AIM, and....................twitter. It's almost a dirty word. Let me explain...

Since Grace the Spot has done an amazing new design with our own little bio pages, (which I will actually update soon) I decided to jump on the twitter wagon. Or is it called a twit-on-wheels? I figured since GtS readers actually read my stuff on the site, and I like the other writers, I would join this global Ashton phenomenon.

If you know me personally, you know that most of my facebook updates include useless information or are loaded with sarcasm. Some of my favorites include:

Would it be odd if I wore spurs and a cowboy hat to work so I could rustle up a decent Monday?
Can you write your dissertation through osmosis?
casts Magic Missile
is 3 sheets to the rainbow
is an elf in magical clothing
is more hardcore than assless chaps
is as gay as the baguette is long
"It doesn’t matter how you socially construct the grizzly bear; the grizzly bear can still eat you."
my hair is in the middle stages of grief

I also like to post contests, be captain obvious (i.e. "I am wearing pants.", "I live in Iowa.","I am a lesbian."), or pick songs that shouldn't have ever been written (and post them over and over and over again). Sometimes I rhyme, write in iambic pentameter, or post words I think are interesting and funny (i.e. pants, groin, moist, hegemony, etc.). I do this because I hate the world. Actually, I do this because it makes me laugh inside. Not a belly laugh, but a small chuckle in the lower reaches of my stomach. It's really more like a smirk. It's only when you laugh, that I laugh. Sometimes laughing can hurt the soul so much that you feel good about life.

Even though I lean more in favor of that, I get really politically lesbian sometimes. There are days where being serious is the only thing I can do. I call those the dark lesbian days. Emo has nothing on me. My soul hurts on those days. All I can do is lament with you or without you. This is why facebook exists. I throw it out there in the universe and see if anyone cares. Why not? We live in a world of EXTREME sharing. I can do it too. You care what I think, right? Ahhhhh the eternal question for all bloggers, twatters, and people who attach themselves to social networks.

Enter: Twitter. I don't know how to feel about you. You are my account for GtS and now Letters from the Lesbian Underground (The Dyke Express if you want to shorten it). Do I live in constant sarcasm? Do I write about my feelings in an oh-so-dark-lesbian sort of way? Do I do both? I don't know. I wrote something in Seussian sarcasm and I feel it was lost on there. Do I try again? Am I thinking about this too much? Probably. I don't care.

The problem is, people on facebook know me personally. People on twitter don't. This baffles me. People follow me and have no idea who I am as a person in the world. They only get what I give them. Will they understand my humor? Will they understand when I am being sarcastic versus dark and gloomy poli-dyke? I guess the only answer is that we shall see. We shall see if they understand. We shall see if they laugh. We shall see if they cry.

All I can do is tell you what is on my mind. Today it is monkeys.

What are you doing? Thinking about monkeys.

Only time will tell.

She tweeted when she should have twatted,

Stacy

Grace the Spot relaunch

2009-09-01T06:13:00.000-07:00

Grace the Spot has been updated with a new attitude and design.

The lesbians are real.

The posts are funny.

Check it out

Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

2009-08-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess we will find out. I am good at the whole absence thing.

Update:

Got married
Life went crazy
Realized I was a very standard lesbian
Life went crazy
Rinse and Repeat
Started work on dissertation
stopped work on dissertation
started work on dissertation
Starting writing again for Grace the Spot
Joined twitter for the second time
Continued to work
Wrote this blog

Do you feel up-to-date?

Good

I will be posting on this site as much as possible. The postings might be a little sparse as the dissertation has fully taken over my life.

Please check my twitter account for more active updates. My name is GUnderfire. Add me.

You could quite possibly respect me more in the morning.

Regards,

Stacy

My thoughts.

2009-05-26T11:32:00.000-07:00

My wife and I take off for California this Thursday and wonder what we will find in the state that has made so many decisions for us while we have been gone. What will we have to do to be recognized? What do we have to do to be safe?

Our story started when we decided to get married a year before our actual date (June 13, 2009) in order to make a stand toward equality in my home state. We went back and forth about going through with a pre-marriage in the courts but decided it was absolutely necessary. We are Mrs. and Mrs. now.

After that wonderful day, we saw our marriage try to be transformed through Proposition 8. We heard Mormon leaders, Focus on the Family, and other religious leaders talk about us as if we were animals that didn’t deserve the same rights as others. They called us, in every way, separate but equal. Abomination, sinner, future pedophile, not of God…you name it, we heard it. The same church I grew up in told me I was not allowed to share the same fundamental rights because of who I loved, not who I was. We stood up to take a stand against that. My wife and I love each other and will fight for our marriage and our faith every chance we get.

Proposition 8 passed and we sighed. We knew the fight was not over, but it was a sad day. Watching tv and reading the blogs, we awaited the Supreme Court decision that was released on Tuesday, May 26, 2009, hoping that the court would not uphold discrimination. We were mistaken again. It was another disappointing day in California. Meanwhile, Iowa, the state we currently live in while I am finishing my doctoral degree, made gay marriage legal. I feel like a yo-yo.

What I don’t think people understand is what this does to those around me. Yes, I do realize that it affects me, but this also affects those families I deeply care about. I am lucky to have friends and family that care about me, but they also have to see me struggle. They have to see me cry. They have to see us go through discrimination. They also have to see all of this under the shroud of religious law. Didn’t we learn our lesson when we tried to fight for slavery and banning interracial marriage using the bible? Don’t you find picking and choosing which verses to follow a little hypocritical?

Here’s what I know is certain. If you kick us down, we will stand back up again. You can make me cry, hate me, yell at me, say terrible things to me, you can disown me, but you CAN NOT break my spirit. I will be who I am forever. No matter how many bible verses you throw at me, my spirit will not break. My God loves me and it is up to Him to decide my fate. Your politics and your “pick-and-choose” religion will not break me. Jesus loves me! Buddha loves me! God loves me! You can’t take that away from a person no matter how much you try.

What saddens me most is that you are affecting yourself. Students and young people are turning away from specific religions because of their influence and focus on the individual lives of others. Church membership, overall, is going down over time. It will continue to decline the more you isolate and define worth based on identity. The world is changing. The world is evolving. No matter how hard you try, change will occur.

Right now, you are teaching your children that some people have more worth than others. You are slowly teaching them bullying tactics and displacing them from understanding equality. You are creating people who embrace discrimination and hate. To embrace hate under the shroud of religion is terribly sad. It is hurtful to those around me and to me. Teaching hate through worth is terrible.

Where do I stand right now? I am one of 18,000 couples to be put in another box. We are married in a state that does not really want us to be married. We are in gay limbo. If I may, how low can we go? Would you wish us to lose our rights and be treated as less-than? Probably. Based on the words I hear, I already know you feel this way. It’s not because we use the word marriage either. It’s because of who we are. It’s because of who we love. It’s because we are gay. Don’t shroud homophobia in the debate on gay marriage. This is all about worth, fear and hate.

Where do I stand right now? I am in a complicated place. Am I supposed to carry around my marriage license with me so you know I am married? Will you give me a special license for my pocket with my marriage number on it? How will I prove I am one of the 18,000? How will you prove another couple is not? Are you to start a database of all of us? How will this work? I have a lot more questions than I do answers. It’s quite an interesting place to be.

What I know. It is a happy day and a sad day. Most days are. I wake up not knowing what is going to happen next, but I rely on my friends and family (who still support me and talk to me) to get my back. I am very lucky. I just wish that some days could be easier…just a bit easier. Today is not that day. How about tomorrow?

Translations muddled through time

2009-03-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

Original photo caption from facebook:
friend: "Iowa Jesus"
me: Want to come to my last supper in Iowa?
friend: Only if I can stay for the crucifixion.
me: Wasn't planning on having one of those. Was going to hit the road before the soldiers came to find me.
friend: Chicken ... no wonder you don't have any disciples.
me: Don't need them. I have you.
friend: :judas:

Dear friends,

I have been perusing the christian evangelical websites this morning (not only as a matter of practice, but to gain valuable insight into watching churches and ideologies evolve over time) and am still baffled by a few notions...

1. Being gay is a choice.
2. There are multiple levels of acceptance toward achieving "everlasting life."
3. The bible is followed specifically, except in certain regards. Each pastor/denomination makes their own decision as to what rules will be strictly followed. No one fact-checks at the church.
4. "Love the sinner, hate the sin" a quote spoken by Gandhi but referred as a Christian teaching by Christ.
5. Separation of which laws to follow in order to be a true Christian. There is not a clear delineation as to which rules, outside of the Ten Commandments, that Christians are to follow.

"Being gay is a choice" always gets me. I remember when I was back in High School and there was a clear effort toward explaining that the choice was made in following the entire lifestyle. There has been a recent shift in this understanding to the very Catholic notion of being chaste in response to your "homosexual tendencies." The thought is that you are gay, you can change that practice by understanding what it is to live a heterosexual lifestyle, while not condoning the "acts" of a homosexual lifestyle, boiling being gay to a clinical definition. This was the start to my baffled brain, but it got more interesting as I dove deeper into my theological/historical understanding of the topic...

I was having a conversation with my friend, an ex-minister from the Methodist church, and I found some peace in all of my thoughts. Since I don't want to misconstrue our original ideas, I am posting the conversation for you to read...

me: it still throws me off that people believe being gay is a choice
friend: do you think people really believe that? it doesn't make any sense
me: I think people really do believe it in the churches
friend: I think they just say that without really thinking about it. I think for most of those people, it would be more accurate for them to say they think you could choose not to engage in homosexual behavior.
like an alcoholic can choose not to drink
me: yeah, I think that is the new idea but it didn't used to be that
friend: yeah
me: it used to be that a choice was made...you consciously chose to live that 'lifestyle'
friend: you are a sinner
me: I know...and a very good sinner at that.

8 minutes pass

me: let me get this right
friend: ok
me: the Old Testament is the biblical law
friend: no
me: while the new testament was written to refute the old laws
friend: wrong again
me: good to know
friend: haha
the "OT" contains many laws, directives, etc for the life of the Jewish people ... but there are lots of other writings in it
me: yes
friend: most of the NT was written for gentiles, not Jews
gentile Christians do not keep the law of moses
they are not Jews
Jesus and his disciples were Jews, though, so they kept the law
most of it anyway
me: yes. So, modern Christians are practicing two sets of laws
friend: there are some instances in the NT where it indicates that a revision/reinterpretation of the law is in order
me: one of the original Jewish tradition and one of the gentile tradition...it is muddled
friend: no, modern Christians do not keep the law of the OT ... hell, even most modern Jews don't
only the hasidic Jews
friend: and even they don't keep all the law, because there is no temple ... without a temple there is no animal sacrifice
me: but when most laws are referenced, we move toward Leviticus and the Ten Commandments
friend:yes
Leviticus is the bulk of it
me: so, if the OT is the law that is supposed to be followed if you are a hasidic Jew, but Christian churches adopt some of these laws, that is not in accordance with the NT evolutionary response to the laws
friend: correct
and i don't know many Christians who follow the dietary restrictions of the OT
Also, there is a lot of confusion about the "sabbath day" The sabbath is Saturday, not Sunday ... and Christians do not keep the sabbath
me: yeah, well, that is true
The NT laws are, if I am correct, to follow and accept the teachings of Jesus, and to live out what has become the "Golden Rule."
friend: There is a lot of stuff beyond that, too
the epistles address the application of some of this stuff
me: of course, but the practices of evangelical Christians are based on a lot of the OT...I am finding this really interesting
friend: because they are stupid
regular people have no business reading the bible - they aren't equipped to understand it at all
you can quote me on that
me: I just might
friend: one of the problems with American evangelicalism has been that many denominations and splinter groups did not have the same standards of education for their clergy, as the mainline churches had established for many years. there are some well educated conservatives, but there are a whole lot more conservative clergy with little education than there are liberal ones
me: yes, that is true...also, there is not practicing accreditation for the schools that exist within the different denominations
friend: for example, a United Methodist minister needs to have a masters degree ... but it isn't needed for the free Methodists and Wesleyan (much more conservative denominations)
me: Some people can "preach the gospel" with a bachelor's in psychology but an internship or a fellowship with a specific denomination
friend: and in a lot of pentecostal/charismatic groups, no formal education at all was required
me: yes, and a lot of people I knew who preached in those churches had less formal biblical training than I did at my Christian Junior High
friend: yep
and whatever training and course work they have had, is very indoctrinated
me: It became a "preaching from the heart" set-up....or, as some people put it, God speaking through you, just as the bible was written
friend: the more education you get about the bible, religion, and theology, the less you know
me: Yes, the same is true for most Ph.D. students who agree that the more you learn, the less you know
If you are unwilling to look beyond the surface, the surface seems infallible
friend: so ... people who aren't educated shouldn't be trying to read the bible because they have no idea what the hell they are reading
me: I find the teachings of Jesus had everything to do with mentioning how fallible we truly were as a people. This idea that the He was sent here to help us understand what we were doing wrong. Essentially, the use of the OT should help us explain our faults v. using it to explain how we should live
friend: its all a bunch of poppycock anyways ...
first of all, you have to ask who decided what writings would be in the bible, and why ... and what did they leave out
second, even the NT writings weren't actually written until at least 100 years after Jesus' lifetime, so it is a lot of oral tradition compiled and edited before being written
me: yeah, but that is where this notion of "written by God through man" has become the answer to refute
friend: third, there are literally hundreds and hundreds of textual variations out there ... there is no single authoritative copy of any single book of the bible .. scholars have pieced it together taking bits and pieces from a variety of manuscripts
fourth, you can see the seams of editing within the text (though it is easier to spot in the original languages) .. even within a single narrative or story, for example, there are often threads taken form several sources
me: which is the way of scholarly writing
friend: read the creation narrative ... there are 2 different stories there, and the order in which god creates stuff is different
me: I agree
I tend to use the Gospels as my version of that teaching...all four have different stories of how the actual event went down
some of the Gospels contradict the others with time and place
friend: exactly...john's account of the passion has Jesus being killed on a different day
throughout most of the OT, there are at least 3 different names regularly used to refer to go
his [John's] account is more symbolic in nature, so Jesus is slaughtered as the "passover lamb" ... in the synoptic gospels, the last supper is the passover meal and Jesus is killed the next day
me: Eh, it all boils down to what you want to believe and what you can believe based on your own faith practices
friend: except people are basing their beliefs on stuff that isn't true and/or they don't understand
me: well yes, that is true. Somehow people in power encouraged others to stop questioning and follow blindly
so, we have a group of people who read the bible, question the bible without a historical context or background in translating historical documents, have a lack of education toward theological practices, and they are growing in larger numbers toward taking the lack of understanding to a political perspective or ideological front
friend: it would be like you collecting all the papers in your grandmothers house after she died - letters, newspapers, old mail, etc - and putting it all together, along with a bunch of stories you knew about her ... then passing that info along orally for about 2000 years, and then someone finally begins writing some of it down.
who the hell would understand any of it?
me: and all of this is done "in the name of" a person they have never met, the people who wrote the books never met, and a power far greater than a human could or would be able to comprehend
friend: oh yeah - you not only have to pass it along for 2000 years, but then translate it into differntr languages for people in entirely different cultures
its freakin' absurd
me: yes, so I am planning on keeping all of my gmail records in the event that some person in Japan wants to hear the story of a Christian Lesbian with a penchant for weightlifting and beer
friend: in 2000 years
me: well yes, that is, assuming that none of it would have attached a virus, been changed by an ex-girlfriend, or been taken completely out of context due to the date on the email being wrong
It's like the "date created" and the "date changed" due to someone opening the document
only someone could guess when I had originally written the document and gathered enough speculation through hints left within the document toward what time period I would have written a rant against someone I used to date
ahhh, I hope I am able to be a God one day
friend: me too
me: okay, I am posting this in my blog now

While I get to some of the above bullets in my conversation with my friend, some of them still need to be explored. As Prop 8 still looms over me, I take my biblical conversations slowly. I have never been anything but who I am. I would define myself by my Christian upbringing, who studied Taoism and Buddhism semi-extensively, has read the bible from beginning to end, and who practices a modern interpretation (taking into account a cultural historical past and a political leadership during the time of the writing of texts and manuscripts...along with an understanding that language serves to evolve and change due to those who are translating the language through time).

What I find interesting about all my conversations about religion and dogmatic structures/laws has everything to do with the credence I give to those opinions of who discuss these issues with me. If faith plays a major role in belief structures of the individual, I am talking to someone who sees their perspective as "truth". This is so personal. Just as my life, living as an openly unapologetic Dyke, my life is truth. Religion is muddled in fact, fiction, belief, feeling, passion, extraordinary faith in people, and surrender. Those statements and disclosure of the churches unwillingness to bring everyone together still baffles me if credence should be given to everyone's faith. If the teachings of Jesus were followed, everyone would be accepted for who they were or are. Where we get muddled is "my truth is different than your truth"...just as my life is different than your life.

I will continue to pursue thought toward this subject, as I believe this is the newest "holy war" going on in America. The war toward understanding is fought in muddled uncertainty toward a universal understanding, but holds truth in individual feelings, thoughts, and translations of "truth". Interesting, very interesting....

What are some of your thoughts,

Stacy

hiatus

2009-03-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

Seasonal depression grabbed hold and I was attacked. I am slowly coming out of my complete hate for all things winter, but I am going at the pace of a one-celled amoeba.

Go to Grace the Spot to find my bits of energy.

I will be back when the sun comes out.

Stacy

Oscars

2009-02-23T06:36:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I watched the Oscars this year, and what an intense show. They have finally made it somewhat like the Tony Awards. I guess that is what you get when you are at your final shot trying to get people to actually watch the show. Since most of the highest grossing movies never get nominated, the Oscars has seen a decrease in viewership. Enter: Hugh Jackman, Beyonce, and a more personal and intimate show. If you missed it, I just thought I would give you my favorite acceptance speech of the night.

Did anyone else watch?,

Stacy

The new and improved Underground.

2009-02-19T12:11:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I have spent the afternoon messing with the layout of my blog and some of the finer points. When I first started this road, I aimed for a semi-or-overtly political lesbian blog....that was more than taken, but I was mad. Prop 8 had happened and my life seemed in shambles. The more the blog has evolved, the more it has really evolved to represent me. I have added the humor back to my life. I have added the Stacy back to my writing.

While I am still overly peeved about Prop 8 and the lack of equality in the country, I am willing to push the hyper-political dyke to the side. With that, a change in quotes, layout, and color were in order. So welcome to the new Lesbian Underground.

I will still greet you with my play on McCain's "Dear friends." I will still share with you the life I lead. I will still share my struggles politically and socially. This will not change. What will change is the addition of the softer side of Stacy. I plan to bring that out and the sarcastic and (attempt at) witty writing.

For all those who have been with me from the start, thank you. I hope you enjoy the new direction. Keep reading...plus, comment away. I always love feedback.

oh yeah, read Grace the Spot. I do enjoy writing for them. Plus, we won Best Humor Blog from The Lesbian Lifestyle 2008 Lezzy awards. Woohoo!

So, with that, I hope you enjoy.

Stacy

Songs that changed my life

2009-02-18T13:58:00.000-08:00

Friends,

Thanks to Facebook, I received a forward that required me to spend time reflecting on music that has affected my life. Since lesbians love to remember the songs that changed their lives, moody songs, and summing up their lives in lyrics by their favorite artists, I spent three hours reviewing the albums and songs that have changed my life.

I have a strong belief that the list below is a must for all individuals to listen and reflect. These are songs and albums that have affected generations and lives. These are my "must listen" songs...

Please add some if you think I need to hear them. Also, I do know that most of these are folk or folk rock...I can't help it...the lesbian runs through me.

Songs

"Blessed" by Brett Dennen
"Sounds of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel
"I am a rock" by Simon and Garfunkel
"Radical" by Catie Curtis
"See the World" by Gomez
"Quidam" by Cirque du Soleil
"Turn! Turn! Turn!" The Byrds
"Blowin' in the wind" Bob Dylan
"The Times They Are A-Changin'" by Bob Dylan
"Will you be the one" by Melissa Ferrick
"Magnolia Street" by Catie Curtis
"Power of Two" by Indigo Girls
"Closer to Fine" by Indigo Girls
"World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies
"A Long December" by Counting Crows
"Let it Be" by The Beatles
"Another brick in the wall" by Pink Floyd
"Terrapin Station" by The Grateful Dead
"Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode
California Dreamin’ by The Mamas and the Papas
Runaway – Del Shannon

Albums

Simon and Garfunkel Live in Central Park
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles
The White Album - The Beatles
Graceland - Paul Simon
Pet Sounds - The Beach Boys
Bob Dylan: The Collection (you can't just name one album for this man)
Greatest Hits – The Byrds
Brett Dennen - Brett Dennen
Truth from Lies - Catie Curtis
Say I am You - The Weepies
White Ladder - David Gray
August and Everything After - Counting Crows
Bring it On - Gomez
The Best of Donovan - Donovan
The Joshua Tree – U2
Revolver – The Beatles
At Folsom Prison – Johnny Cash
Valentine Heartache - Melissa Ferrick
Rage Against the Machine – Rage Against the Machine
Riding with the King – B.B. King and Eric Clapton

Hope you enjoy,

Stacy

Stolen lines #2

2009-02-11T14:16:00.000-08:00

"Ghosts definitely live here," I say (in obvious repetition and concern). "They f**king definitely live here?" Is the explative really necessary? That's what the landlord told me and I questioned when I was thinking of moving into a house in Iowa. Are you kidding me? That's how you try to get me to move in? Do you think I'm Dan Akroyd (circa too long ago)? Is that your new selling point? Has that worked in the past?

"I think I will move somewhere else," I tell her. "Unless this ghost has a Ph.D. and can type my paper for me, I think the apartment where I currently reside will work just fine."

The landlord tells me to have a good day...thanks....

In my mind, this would make one hell of a story for the grandkids. Why is it that people think every single house is haunted? There's an apartment building being built on an old corn field and people are already starting in with the ghost stories. "I heard the door shut in my apartment across the street from construction. I bet there is a ghost that is really pissed off" my neighbor says. Seriously? The 30-40 mph winds couldn't have done it? It wasn't a ghost and this isn't an Indian buriel ground. Knock it off.

Ghostbusters was a good movie. Scary films are not my thing, but I can give you some latitude on your fascination. If my Friday night is terrible, I sometimes actually watch the Ghost Whisperer. I get it. We like ghosts. Hell, I still listen to Oingo Boingo specifically for Dead Man's Party. Even though we have all this, does every bloody place have to be haunted?

When does it end? When does it stop. When does Davey Jones stay in his locker? Also, why are there never any lesbian ghosts?????? Are ghosts always straight? Seriously.

****

This is a post of the Emergency Blogcast System....this is only a post...

I stole the first line of this post from You'll Never Eat Lunch in This town Again, by Julia Phillips. There's a blog you have to read that had an idea. This idea was good. I stole the line to continue the idea. So can you.

Go to LAW WITH GRACE to find out the details. The blog rocks. READ IT!

This is a post of the Emergency Blogcast System....this is only a post...

I ain't afraid of no ghosts,

Stacy

This is harder than a hallmark moment...

2009-02-11T13:30:00.000-08:00

Friends,

Get out kleenex. Forget that...grab a towel. This one is buckets of Hallmark moments combined with a cute puppy, a walk on the beach, a hammer to the heart, and 12,000 sappy movies combined into one waterworks moment.

Watch this video. Seriously, just watch it. I nearly died....it was wonderful.

As one of the couples, I thank anyone and everyone associated with this video.

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

With towel covering eyes,

Stacy

VOTE!

2009-02-11T12:39:00.000-08:00

Okay friends,

I need your help. I need your undivided lesbian attention. You ready? You ready? Okay....here it goes....

Grace the Spot has been nominated for some really gay awards. The Lezzy Awards have arrived. Wooohooo! Yes, we are very happy, but we seem to have a slight problem. We are up against the UberDyke. We are up against the UberBlogDyke "Dorothy Surrenders." This is not good. That blog has many followers. So, we have to step it up. We have to make some moves of our own.

Stop playing pool at the bar.
Stop kissing your girlfriend.
Stop kissing the computer screen when Portia pops up.
Stop the U-Haul right now.
Stop your current protest.
Stop using your chapstick.
Get out of American Eagle.

VOTE for GRACE THE SPOT NOW

http://tll2008.circularfile.net/vote.php or HERE FOR DIRECT LINK

We are nominated for

Best Culture/Entertainment Blog
Best Humor Blog
Blog of The Year!

See Grace Chu's post on Grace the Spot for more details.

DO IT! DO IT NOW! DO IT EVERYDAY! DO IT FOR YOUR COUNTRY! DO IT FOR DYKE FREEDOM!

please?

Thanks,

Stacy

Undoing the work of many

2009-02-09T06:42:00.000-08:00

Dear friends and enemies,

While perusing facebook this morning I noticed I have many people I should delete as soon as I can muster the courage to do so. The people with whom need a serious deletion are those who seem to be preaching the "good word". What that might be is up for question. In their eyes, they see the "good word" as the teachings of Jesus, or the Jesus they believe to be true for them. This is the same Jesus who did a lot of things that were outside of religion and dogmatic principles. Sadly, this is not the same Jesus they are talking about. Their Jesus is a jackass.

Apparently, us crazy people outside the evangelical churches don't really understand Jesus anymore. He's not the same guy from the early days of "Jesus loves me this I know." That Jesus was cool. He was a good guy. He was a guy I would have liked to hang out with. This Jesus sucks. He has been morphed, by the people I know and countless others speaking about the "good word," into a jackass who parades around children yelling "SING THIS!"...

"Jesus loves me! this I think...maybe...I guess
For the Bible tells me so in certain versus I pick and choose.
Little ones to Him belong;
they are weak but He is strong and mean and vindictive.

Yes, Jesus loves me! Thank God I am white!
Yes, Jesus loves me! Thank God I am straight!
Yes, Jesus loves me! Thank God I am rich!
The Bible tells me so, all others will go to Hell!"

I can hear the crowds cheering now. I bet Billy Graham would love these lyrics. It's sad, but this is where we are now. I see postings about people asking for prayer because they are traveling down to build a house for people who have not found Jesus. Seriously? That is your criteria? Need is not your first worry? I wonder how they set these things up. Do they offer to build a house for the family if they are willing to surrender their lives over to Jesus? Is that in the deed? Do you have to be a Christian for 4 years before you are able to relinquish and pick a new religion? If you don't make that 4 year mark, is another family given the house? Are you doing this for personal gain or ego? Do you really care about the family, or are you just trying to strengthen your army of minions who think the same way you do?

You know why I am not evangelical? No! Not because I am gay. The reason is that I am too tired to be evangelical. I am married, with a dog, trying to finish my dissertation. I can barely run my own life. I don't have the energy to try and run other people's lives. That would be exhausting. "Hey honey, do you want eggs on your breakfast sandwich today? Oh yeah, and by the way, can you put me on a conference call with the pack of gay snowboarders I saved in Colorado...I need to make sure they are having sex with women now. Thanks honey!" I would be stressed before breakfast. I couldn't do that. I think I will stick with talking/teaching about leaving other people alone. It's why I love teaching history. Class is all about people who didn't leave each other alone, started trouble with them, got their asses kicked, left with a bad legacy, and then tried to do it all over again. I can teach about that all day. That doesn't stress me out at all. Controling history and the evolution of humanity would be exhausting. Teaching without try to control is very easy. Teaching while trying to control...holy mother of God, no way. I can barely control my laundry schedule, let alone humanity and personal and cultural evolution. "Hey honey, can you bring your laundry out to the washer? While you are at it, can you stop people wanting rights they don't have? Thanks! Love you!" Exhausting.

I think preaching the "good word" is preaching about the actual "GOOD WORD." Jesus was a pretty interesting guy. I think his band of rebel forces was quite interesting. He never restricted himself to one community. He always traveled and got to know people. He was a guy who liked to help people. He talked about love a lot. I mean, the guy was a huge hippie. I am down with that. The word that is "good" is one that doesn't misrepresent, nor box someone in. How can churches talk about Jesus turning over the tables of commerce and then make billions of dollars selling Jesus inventory in the church? How can we talk about loving everyone, and then pick and choose who really gets the love depending on what life they lead? Trying to control humanity anyone? Screw that. If you can answer those questions above then I will give you a gold star. For now, I am going to go back to doing laundry and taking a nap. I am tired. I need a nap before I teach the "good word" on my end. I have a lot of good words; sleep, love, hope, faith, togetherness, evolution, justice....you get the drift. You see where I am going, don't you?

Jesus, I am sorry people make you out to be a jackass. We know you were a cool hippie who wasn't white. We know you liked the people who were on the fringes. Those people who are saying otherwise are not cool. They suck. Let's go hug a tree together and talk on the mount. What do you say?

Happy Monday,

Stacy

When the words are no longer there....hire them

2009-02-02T14:29:00.000-08:00

My writing/speaking, like my trying to figure out Proposition 8, are struggling so immensely right now that I am thinking of hiring an advising staff for Team Dyketastic Funkalicious (aka Team Stacy). I am looking to hire someone who will stand next to me, listen to me say what I want to say, then write or orate it to the public. I figure that is the next step I should take. It happens to be the same way I looked at Proposition 8. I keep my straight friends around to try to explain why the damn thing passed. I look astonished, questioning my life in my gay vacuum, and they say, "The real reason it didn't pass really had a lot to do with...." I then put my hands up and say, "I don't understand most straight people." Their answer is eloquent and thoughtful...mine is unresponsive and lacks pizazz. Eh, what can you do?

This is why I want to hire a verbal bodyguard. I am done talking. I am done writing. I leave the house and wonder if I have any thoughts left in my mind. My wife calls to ask whether I want Chinese or BBQ for dinner and I have a panic attack. "I CAN'T DECIDE! THIS IS JUST TOO HARD!!!" If I had my verbal bodyguard, none of this would happen. I would whisper in his ear that I can not decide and how hard it is for me to, and he would say, "She wants Chinese." After all, that is what I would pay him to do. He is my first, last, and only line of defense. I think I will call him Dandy.

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel the more I learn about the world, the less I really understand or can reiterate. I can tell you why Racism is endemic, but I couldn't tell you which street a friend of mine lives on that I frequent. I know that she has a cat, but that is not helpful when trying to tell someone else how to get to her house. If I had Dandy, this would not be a problem. Dandy would be able to tell you all about said friend while I just said, "College Football is racist in its practice on the campus of...." No one really cares about what I am saying, but Dandy is still keeping me somewhat cool among friends and friends-of-friends. The real reason is that Dandy would rock. He would be so cool that I wouldn't even be able to handle it. I will still be someone who can't speak a coherent sentence to save her life, but that wouldn't matter with Dandy around. I would be able to use Dandy for my own street cred.

I see this happening soon. The more I live, the less I know. As the sentences become longer and drawn out because of the lengthening "Uhhhhhh" and "hmmmmmm....uhhhhhhh" I will finally put out an ad for Dandy. I sure hope he likes beer...my Dandy better like beer.

I know I was supposed to say something here....

Stacy

Teaching

2009-01-28T13:52:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

I know...too little, too late, but I am back. Like I said in my last post, I have been extremely busy with writing for my dissertation and for Grace the Spot. January has also been full of starting my Women's Studies class: Intro to Lesbian Studies. I have entered and been trying to stand firm in the land of Lesbos.
For detail-oriented people, I will spell out my life in bullets.
• My wife and I are planning a wedding for June
• My wife and I are planning on moving in May
• My wife and I are planning on moving back sans most our stuff in July (my fault as I am not going to be done)
• I am teaching Intro to Lesbian Studies
• I am writing a dissertation and finishing all the bulls**t that comes with it
• It’s cold in Iowa
• The dog is cold in Iowa
• I am tired

To sum up, I am sorry about not posting more often. A lot has gone on and been going on in the gay world.

Obama is now President and everything is peaches and cream. Don't I wish. He has been making quite a few major executive orders, but I doubt we will see any major changes for the LGBT community soon. There are a lot of fish to fry and not a lot of fridays to fry them on.

The L Word is back on. I don't have cable, so I have AfterEllen and Grace the Spot to keep me cozy until I am able to see them on DVD or On Demand this summer. Jenny is dead, so I can't wait to see this season. After all, it is the little things that keep me happy. Better direction and writing seem to be too much to ask, so I have to focus on the good stuff when it happens.

Nothing has happened to our civil marriage in California and it doesn't look like anyone is pushing that too hard. It seems the people who got married are going to stay married for now. We live in a "take what we can get" society, so I'm happy to oblige.

We are looking ahead to Iowa's decision on Gay Marriage...don't know what the verdict will be, but we can only hope the place that helped Barack Obama will be the place to help a marginalized community.

For now, I will promise to update this blog as I can. I am not sure who reads it, but it is now linked from Grace the Spot, so I will do my best. If anyone would like to help blog, please write. I can't stay on top of it all. The list above keeps me pretty busy.

Happy New Year,

Stacy

2009-01-17T10:29:00.000-08:00

Just a quick little update.

I have been blogging non-stop (or so it feels for Grace the Spot) while trying to keep up with returning back to school and planning a wedding. I do all this while trying to finish a doctoral program I feel so lost about.

The holiday break went well. I got to see good friends, hang out with family, and get all the stuff ready for the wedding and the move in May. It seems all is falling into place and my homesickness gets worse for the ware. This time both my wife and I had tears. Leaving L.A. is not easy.

I wanted to put this post up so that people know I am still alive. I am very tired and still trying to catch up with life starting up again. Also, I am slow to get into the groove, but highly motivated to get out of here. I am also looking forward to ridding my world of more possessions and starting over fresh with my wife. Holding onto the past is no good for me. I can't wait to move forward and finally start my life. No holds barred.

I will post again soon with more updates and more thoughts. In the next few weeks a lot will happen in America. Change is coming. I can feel it.

Hope all is well. Read Grace the Spot in the interim.

Stacy

Still a bit short on words

2008-12-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I wanted to give you the link to a news article that you might enjoy. It is from the new issue of Newsweek that focuses on Gay Marriage issues.

Click here to read

I apologize for not having that many updates on this blog, but I can tell you what is coming up for me and try to post some short blogs until I recover from my dissertation writing sessions.

I leave for California right before Christmas. The wife and I are very happy, as we have not seen my parents for a while now. Also, connecting with the family outside the parents (e.g. Friends who are more like family) is paramount in cleansing of the soul.

We are putting the final touches on the wedding when we are out there. Can't wait for that...more registry hunting.

Taking time to regenerate. It just seems absolutely necessary as the weather in Iowa is -27 with wind chill. I can't take it and need to be able to put on some shorts and not feel like I can never get warm again.

Catching up with some other research that I was not able to finish.

I will try to post interesting links or articles that I find. I will also give a few updates while in California. I have not been back since Prop 8 met its demise, so I want to figure out the vibe out there around Prop 8. I will keep you posted.

Hope all is well and that people are surviving the winter weather. I now have to get back to forming the syllabus for Intro to Lesbian Studies in the Spring Semester.

If you can't find me here, check out my posts on Grace the Spot.

Keep on truckin'

Stacy

Out to 7 lunches, 15 meetings, and a small vacation on an island in the Caribbean

2008-12-03T07:57:00.001-08:00

Dear friends,

I am currently in the middle of trying to finish the proposal (first three chapters) for my dissertation and am quite exhausted. I am not only writing for this site, but am also on Grace the Spot, so pulling double-duty is not working out too well. I tell you all this because I need to apologize for the lack of updates on this site. They will be minimal, if not absent.

I will not be able to get back here until the 10th of December. I might be able to give you some links to news or other articles on websites I enjoy, but I will not be posting anything new and exciting from my brain until I have thoroughly exhausted it, taken it on vacation, and let it sit for hours in front of the tv. It gets very cranky when it can't do that.

I apologize ahead of time, but I encourage you to check me out soon. Don't give up on me quite yet.

Stacy

Grace the Spot

2008-11-28T19:01:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

Check out this website and notice the inclusion of a new grace. Just sayin'...it's a small world.

Stuff Lesbians Like

You should read it. Keep a watch out for more Grace Underfire.

Keepin' it real,

Stacy

Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T18:06:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I did it. I survived an ultra-conservative evangelical McCain-voting "worried about the gays" Thanksgiving at the in-laws. I also did it without shaking my head more than about 5 times and without saying, "Oh Lord" under my breath. It seems I am growing up...either that, or I would like to keep my wife from divorcing me.

What I did not survive was the trip to rural Iowa. It seems they don't like the gays in certain parts of this state. I was harassed at a VERY local bar after I almost beat the "Ultimate Straight Guy" contest winner at pool. I think when I said that I was not in a pool league and not from around there, he took a liking to being overly rude. I stood up for myself a bit longer than I should have and had to be taken to the other room by my wife and her sister. Ahhh, good times.

The other eventful moment was Black Friday at Walmart. A few missing teeth and no showers for some people, thanking God for my allergies and inability to breathe fully, and I was set to watch the mayhem commence. I have officially never seen anything like it, barring news reports from back in the Tickle-me-Elmo days. People were swarmed around slabs of xbox 360 packs, portable dvd players, giant screen HDTV deals, etc....and then over the wonderful Walmart speaker system, right at 5am, the BUZZER SOUNDED! They were off. Elbows flying, people wrestling to get the last of the Doorbusters, and then rushing to the front with minimal bruising. My wife told the tale of how a group of people near the portable dvd players banded together to form an alliance against the other people around the slab of electronics. They formed a cart barrier and worked together to defeat the farmers and come out victorious. I would wake up just to see this event take place again.

After a few more stores and finding the "deals of a lifetime," we went back home and crashed. There really is only so much shopping a dyke can handle. Oh boy, thinking back, I would definitely do it again. Good times to be had by all.

So, I can report back that I survived with minimal exposure to all things Palin. I did not cause a scene, and I did drink a lot of Folgers coffee. I wouldn't call myself thrilled, but I would consider myself victorious in my struggle to fight the powers of sarcasm and the agents of small-town doom.

Here's to next year,

Stacy

A little Lesbian humor for you

2008-11-25T17:37:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

After a month of talking extensively (giving you any information at all) about my relationship with my partner, our marriage, and my political opinions about Proposition 8, I feel, in my sincerest prose, you do not know much about me as a person outside of my political stance. I mean that in my sincerest prose, alas, fair maiden, you will know me well.

I want to do this in a rather different way, because I also want to plug this new website I was directed to. Every lesbian wants to find someone who speaks to them, outside of Ani, Catie, Melissa or The Indigo Girls. We yearn for connection in our community. We go to gay bars to find out how good we feel about ourselves, specifically in regard to how sane we are compared to "other lesbians." So, I hope to weave Grace on the Spot into this blog and use myself as the example...I call this, "Lesbian Like Me."

The next quips provide a short description of who I am in relation to my Dyke/Lesbian identity. The inspiration is guided by stereotype and fueled by an appreciation for self-deprecation. Enjoy!

1. Lesbians blog. I think it is our form of cave writing. Since we are indigenous to America and under attack, we make sure to keep our culture alive through markings and script we call English (in this country).

Part 26: We Blog

I don't offer much in response, but blogging is part of our narrative and our survival skills. I blog, therefore I am.

2. We blog because we care. This is really the reason why. There are currently many different lenses you could look at this from (we are narcissistic, we enjoy gossip, we love a good cause, etc.), but I choose "we care." We also care because we are still in the process of politicising ourselves.

Part 38: Being overly sensitive due to an increased sense of political awareness
Perhaps because of our tendency to be over-educated, lesbians have an increased sense of political awareness. This lesbian seventh sense (gaydar is the 6th sense, you know) leads to hyper-sensitivity and being judgmental of less “enlightened” persons.
But first things first. When I use the term “lesbian,” I am using it to encompass all lesbian, queer, questioning, woman-loving-woman, and non-heterosexually-identified (LQQWLWNH) biological females not including men who may identify as lesbians, female-to-male transgender persons, male-to-female transgender persons, bisexual women, pansexuals, gender-queer individuals who do not identify as lesbian, sporty heterosexual women, and women who only make out with other women when they are drunk as part of a male-attention-seeking endeavor.

To be clear, the last part is specifically for Katie Perry and women who attend women's colleges who are LUGs (Lesbian Until Graduation). We like to make it more complicated than just gay or lesbian. You are not truly gay until you can do a doctoral dissertation on how you identify.

Since I am a simple person, I choose either Dyke, Lesbian, Queer, or Gay, depending on if I want to make people a little more angry or I find your question so boring, I don't care. The latter is where gay or lesbian comes in. Those identities are mundane and require nothing more than, "I'm gay." This is generally spoken in the same tone of being asked what your favorite color is. This question is generally followed by, "How did you know?" Ugh. Really? Is that really interesting for you? Some days, I feel the need to make business cards with my "coming out story" just so I can hand them to people instead of sitting there telling someone who finds me "interesting/fascinating." Maybe I should just start answering, "I like the color blue." I don't know yet.

3. I am in grad school. This is my third degree. Even though I am constantly saying, "I will never get another degree," I am already considering what my next will be. Right now, it is between Theology, Queer Studies, or Counseling. I don't think I will do another Ph.D., but I will never say never. Master's degrees are MUCH less intense and more practitioner based, so that would be my plan.

Part 1: Grad School
Uncle Sam, the benevolent patriarch, will take care of her by extending her more student loans! Would you like a Masters in Gender Studies (”Lesbian Meat Market 201″) with those fries? How about a PhD in Sexuality Studies (”Lesbian Meat Market 301″) with that shake? She can spend another few years pontificating ideas and theories inapplicable outside of the Ivory Tower and most of all… using big words and sounding “smart” and “clever” while flirting with other lesbians! Sure, you can go to Amazon.com and buy a text by Michel Foucault for $10, but if you ask Uncle Sam for $30,000 to read Foucault at a ~~expensive lesbian commune~~

Since I have no student loans and work in financial aid, I understand the pitfalls, but I find a lot of lesbians who do not. My wife is one of them. She has enough student loans from her undergrad for us to pay off. I encourage people to only go to grad school if they A) have a death wish, B) wish to talk about random acts of marginalization, and C) you are a sadist. I believe I fit in all categories.

4. I am a beer snob. I call it like I see it. I don't drink anything except beer or wine. That might take me out of the lesbian circle, but firmly establishes my Dyke-side. Beer is the official Dyke drink. There are no statistics that can help establish this as universal truth, but I use my own experiences to guide me and allow me to create a master narrative around this.
Every single time I go to a gay bar, I find that there are always three things I can count on.
A. The Dykes will be drinking beer.
B. The Dykes will be near the pool tables (this could be the reason why)
C. The gay men will own the dance floor
If you are not in a gay bar, lesbians can be found at microbreweries or at wineries where they are closeted, unless they are in Sonoma or Healdsburg, CA. You can spot the lesbian crowd by the one Dyke they bring with them that forgets to look more straight. I am usually that Dyke. At microbreweries, the lesbians can be seen ordering the sampler. The Dyke will be the one who knows everything about the beer. On "Stuff Lesbians Like" these Dykes are referred to as "Advanced Lesbians."

Part 46: Beer Samplers
Advanced lesbians will throw in fancy acronyms like ABV and IPA, and use the word “hoppy” instead of the word “bitter.” Highly advanced lesbians have even been known to discuss things like the difference between Golding hops and Willamette hops.

Willamette hops are better.

5. Lesbians DO NOT finish things. For instance, I am getting tired of writing this particular blog and find it necessary to give you links instead of chatting about specifics.

Part 53: Dating difficult girls - DONE IT.
Part 57: Wanting famous women to be lesbians even though we have no chance with them - MARISKA HARGITAY.
Part 58: The "is she or isn't she" game - SHE IS.
Part 71: : "It's complicated" - YOU DON'T WANT TO GO THERE...TRUST ME.

I have given you a smattering of lesbian-likes that will help you in your quest for more understanding. At the heart of every lesbian there are multiple levels of "complicated." This holds true for lesbians, straight men and women, trans-_____, and gay men. We are the same as you. We have our quirks. We have our complexes. We also have our drama.

I am a woman-married-to-a-woman-who-loves-women-who-owns-a-dog-is-from-California-in-grad-school-in-Iowa-who-can't-wait-to-move-back....you see where this is going. Identities are unique to each of us, but we all understand stereotypes. For white identity, I refer you to http://www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/. That will help you to understand a little bit more about me. After all, did I really give you that much new information in this post? Part 3,486: most lesbians want to be a mystery.

The important thing to know is that we are more alike than we are different. We each have our own set of survival skills and stereotypes that give people an image of us. We share in the struggle to find who we love and create lasting Romeo and Juliet relationships.

Just remember

Juliet:'Tis almost morning, I would have thee gone—And yet no farther than a wan-ton's bird,That lets it hop a little from his hand,Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves,And with a silken thread plucks it back again,So loving-jealous of his liberty.

Romeo:I would I were thy bird.

Juliet:Sweet, so would I,Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,That I shall say good night till it be morrow. [Exit above]
Romeo And Juliet Act 2, scene 2, 176–185
Part 197: "Advanced Lesbians" LOVE quoting Shakespeare

Lord what fools these mortals be,

Stacy

Obama's Plan for Civil Rights

2008-11-19T10:48:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

President-elect Barack Obama has issued his plan to strengthen civil rights in America. The article is on the change.gov website.

He has a pretty lengthy plan that would directly benefit LGBT people (below only covers a specific portion). This is stronger legislation than any other president has brought to the table.

Support for the LGBT Community
"While we have come a long way since the Stonewall riots in 1969, we still have a lot of work to do. Too often, the issue of LGBT rights is exploited by those seeking to divide us. But at its core, this issue is about who we are as Americans. It's about whether this nation is going to live up to its founding promise of equality by treating all its citizens with dignity and respect."
-- Barack Obama, June 1, 2007

The Obama-Biden Plan

Expand Hate Crimes Statutes: In 2004, crimes against LGBT Americans constituted the third-highest category of hate crime reported and made up more than 15 percent of such crimes. Barack Obama cosponsored legislation that would expand federal jurisdiction to include violent hate crimes perpetrated because of race, color, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, gender identity, or physical disability. As a state senator, Obama passed tough legislation that made hate crimes and conspiracy to commit them against the law.
Fight Workplace Discrimination: Barack Obama supports the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, and believes that our anti-discrimination employment laws should be expanded to include sexual orientation and gender identity. While an increasing number of employers have extended benefits to their employees' domestic partners, discrimination based on sexual orientation in the workplace occurs with no federal legal remedy. Obama also sponsored legislation in the Illinois State Senate that would ban employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.
Support Full Civil Unions and Federal Rights for LGBT Couples: Barack Obama supports full civil unions that give same-sex couples legal rights and privileges equal to those of married couples. Obama also believes we need to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and enact legislation that would ensure that the 1,100+ federal legal rights and benefits currently provided on the basis of marital status are extended to same-sex couples in civil unions and other legally-recognized unions. These rights and benefits include the right to assist a loved one in times of emergency, the right to equal health insurance and other employment benefits, and property rights.
Oppose a Constitutional Ban on Same-Sex Marriage: Barack Obama voted against the Federal Marriage Amendment in 2006 which would have defined marriage as between a man and a woman and prevented judicial extension of marriage-like rights to same-sex or other unmarried couples.
Repeal Don't Ask-Don't Tell: Barack Obama agrees with former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff John Shalikashvili and other military experts that we need to repeal the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. The key test for military service should be patriotism, a sense of duty, and a willingness to serve. Discrimination should be prohibited. The U.S. government has spent millions of dollars replacing troops kicked out of the military because of their sexual orientation. Additionally, more than 300 language experts have been fired under this policy, including more than 50 who are fluent in Arabic. Obama will work with military leaders to repeal the current policy and ensure it helps accomplish our national defense goals.
Expand Adoption Rights: Barack Obama believes that we must ensure adoption rights for all couples and individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation. He thinks that a child will benefit from a healthy and loving home, whether the parents are gay or not.
Promote AIDS Prevention: In the first year of his presidency, Barack Obama will develop and begin to implement a comprehensive national HIV/AIDS strategy that includes all federal agencies. The strategy will be designed to reduce HIV infections, increase access to care and reduce HIV-related health disparities. Obama will support common sense approaches including age-appropriate sex education that includes information about contraception, combating infection within our prison population through education and contraception, and distributing contraceptives through our public health system. Obama also supports lifting the federal ban on needle exchange, which could dramatically reduce rates of infection among drug users. Obama has also been willing to confront the stigma -- too often tied to homophobia -- that continues to surround HIV/AIDS. He will continue to speak out on this issue as president.
Empower Women to Prevent HIV/AIDS: In the United States, the percentage of women diagnosed with AIDS has quadrupled over the last 20 years. Today, women account for more than one quarter of all new HIV/AIDS diagnoses. Barack Obama introduced the Microbicide Development Act, which will accelerate the development of products that empower women in the battle against AIDS. Microbicides are a class of products currently under development that women apply topically to prevent transmission of HIV and other infections.

While I do disagree with the idea of separating civil unions from marriage, I am very happy with where he is going with Hate Crime legislation, adoption rights, and HIV/AIDS prevention. These are very large steps for a country with currently 31 states banning same-sex marriage, with some of those same states having legislation regarding adoption programs for same-sex couples. The fact that he addresses same-sex households as being loving homes that can care for individuals who need that love...wow. It's nice to be treated a little closer to equal for a change.

Peaceful,

Stacy

Focus on which families?

2008-11-19T07:39:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I received this article in my mailbox and found it sad. We often forget to question the practices of our churches in regard to spending and to the livelihood of people who work for them.

The article shows,
UPDATE: Focus on the Family announced this afternoon that 202 jobs will be cut companywide — an estimated 20 percent of its workforce. Initial reports bring the total number of remaining employees to around 950.

Focus on the Family is poised to announce major layoffs to its Colorado Springs-based ministry and media empire today. The cutbacks come just weeks after the group pumped more than half a million dollars into the successful effort to pass a gay-marriage ban in California.

Critics are holding up the layoffs, which come just two months after the organization’s last round of dismissals, as a sad commentary on the true priorities of the ministry.

There are quotes from both Californian Against Hate and a Colorado Springs activist who helped organize protests against Proposition 8. They examine the fiscal allocation of the group in Colorado.

“If I were their membership I would be appalled,” said Mark Lewis, a longtime Colorado Springs activist who helped organize a Proposition 8 protest in Colorado Springs on Saturday. “That [Focus on the Family] would spend any money on anything that’s obviously going to get blocked in the courts is just sad. [Prop. 8] is guaranteed to lose, in the long run it doesn’t have a chance — it’s just a waste of money.”

“They should do more with their half-million dollars than spending it to collect signatures to take the rights away from a class of people,” said Fred Karger, the founder of the anti-Prop 8 group Californians Against Hate. “I think it’s wrong and it’s hurtful to so many Americans.”

The issue takes hold at the ideological practices of these non-profit groups. Where so many of these could help with individual families, they have been spending more time and effort in donating to political groups and against ballot measures.

The article comes to close with a great quote from Lewis in regard to Colorado initiatives that were supported but failed due to constitutional rights being upheld.

Lewis likened Proposition 8 to Colorado’s Amendment 2, the 1992 anti-gay measure that was designed to prohibit gays and lesbians from seeking legal protections. Colorado voters approved the measure, which was marketed by proponents, including Focus on the Family, as an effort to prohibit gays and lesbians from seeking “special rights.” The U.S. Supreme Court stuck down the measure as unconstitutional four years later.

“You can’t make homosexuals second class citizens — we’ve learned that already,” Lewis said. “People will look back on this and see how absurd it is.”

We review pictures of the Civil Rights Movement where white southerners are yelling at African American children walking into schools trying to receive the same benefits as their white counterparts. We look at these with puzzled faces and sadness in our hearts. "How could people have treated one another in that way?" Very easily.

We are seeing these same images being exercised by a new set of people toward a new group of citizens trying to receive equal rights. I remember the group of people yelling like they won the national championship in football when Proposition 8 passed. Their eyes red with rage. I recall a pastor yelling at gay people and likening us to Adolph Hitler. I recall the signs that speak hateful words. I recall the people yelling, "You are going to hell!" I recall the anger toward me by my students in how I could ever think I was equal to them. I recall all these and I keep walking toward the door to the school.

I guarantee we will see this same thing happen in the years to come in regard to LGBT rights. One day, everyone will have the same rights as others. It is just a matter of time...and a matter of patience.

Stand strong knowing justice eventually succeeds,

Stacy

Institutionalized Homophobia. This is bigger than a black, white, and brown issue

2008-11-18T13:54:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I have been very careful to watch the current news around Prop 8. I do this not only because Prop 8 affects my wife and I directly, but I want to be careful to watch the reactions of people outside of and inside my community.

I talked a while ago about the use of blame in regard to finding the "culprits" who are responsible for the proposition passing, thereby writing discrimination into the California constitution. I am very sad to see this happen, as it turns people against each other instead of uniting under a common goal, creating a better life for all people.

After elections and votes, we often see "The blame game" being played. We are seeing it now with the countless discussions in news and television that start with, "Should the GOP blame Palin?" While I understand strategists from both sides looking at every angle in order to make changes for the next election, release of "blaming" initiatives do nothing but tarnish the image or reputation and guide us toward finding blame and targeting that person as a "problem." It serves nothing more as a tool to take the heat off of other people who were also responsible for the loss. In the case of Proposition 8, we are doing this to African American and Latino residents of California and taking all responsibility away from White and Asian voters. This form of oppression takes groups who are already institutionaly oppressed and turns them against one another.

A recent article on Alternet.org (taken from CounterPunch) discusses the Black/White divide and institutional homophobia in the case of Proposition 8. While I disagree with the name-calling of Palin, this issue addresses something that we are so unwilling to address. That of institutionalized homophobia really being an umbrella of power and wealth in this country. This is an issue of who has property and how they are willing to exercise their power. An excerpt from the article describes one way in which we can address changing what happened on Proposition 8.

In challenging white LGBT people who justify not working alongside African Americans due to their supposed higher rates of homophobia, Black lesbian Barbara Smith argues:

Institutionalized homophobia in this society is definitely a white monopoly. And when we do see examples of homophobia in people-of-color contexts, what that should motivate people to do is to increase the level of solidarity with gay men and lesbians of color so that we can challenge homophobia wherever it appears.

The massive outpouring of protesters on the streets of California's cities since the ban shows the potential to organize a repeal of Prop 8 in coming months. But they will need to devise a strategy independent of the Democrats' equivocation and corporate-funded organizations wary of rocking the boat. LGBT activists in this budding movement should go directly to Black and Latino allies and develop a multiracial and collaborative challenge to the bigotry of anti-gay marriage forces of every race.

Included in the strategy should be a demand on the new Obama administration and Democratic-controlled Congress to carry forward with their party platform that opposes the Clinton-era Defense of Marriage Act. It's time to repeal that law and end federally sanctioned bigotry against gay marriage.

In the case of Civil Rights, as Derrick Bell and other leading CRT scholars show, most changes result out of interest convergence for those in positions of power. Interest convergence, as defined by Bell, is when "the majority group tolerates advances for racial justice only when it suits its interest to do so" (Delgado & Stefancic, 2001). This tenet of Critical Race Theory also can be used to describe sexual orientation and the response of interest convergence in cases of LGBT people. Showing how marriage for LGBT people enhance and influence the lives of all people would cause people to examine their votes carefully.

I urge people to not place blame and to look directly at the overarching structural component largely at play here. The reasons for a lot of this is institutionalized homophobia. I look to the Campaign to End Homophobia to describe this umbrella of discrimination.

Institutional homophobia refers to the many ways in which government, businesses, churches, and other institutions and organizations discriminate against people on the basis of sexual orientation. Institutional homophobia is also called heterosexism.
Institutional homophobia is reflected in religious organizations which have stated or implicit policies against lesbians, gays, and bisexuals leading services; agencies which refuse to allocate resources to services to lesbian, gay, and bisexual people; and governments which fail to insure the rights of all citizens, regardless of their sexual orientation. (taken from, http://www.endhomophobia.org/homophobia.htm, November 17, 2008).

This is much bigger than one man or one woman. This is bigger than one church or one pastor. This is a societal system of oppression toward one group of individuals. I encourage each of us to stop blaming each other and have real discussions outside of just our own personal experiences. We need to examine the structures who continue the oppressive system we live in. Continue to tell your stories to each other and sit in fellowship with one another. I will buy anyone a cup of coffee who is willing to chat with me about any of this. Just comment away and we will chat.

I urge everyone to examine their own lives and how those lives are affected by this vote. I urge you to seek out others and see how it affects them and their families. I then encourage you to look at the system in which we live. Get the facts. Know the stories. Find where our interests cross. We all can move forward without losing all of ourselves and losing our beliefs. Now is the time to figure out how our interests converge.

Do not blame one group. Do not blame each other. Move on and move up. Heed the advice of Louis Nizer when he said,
“When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.”

Peace,

Stacy

Further reading:

Critical Race Theory: An Introduction by Richard Delgado & Jean Stefancic

The Nation: Cold Feet; Why America Has Gay Marriage Jitters

Beautiful...just beautiful

2008-11-17T16:40:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I was watching Ellen today, which I generally do after my Monday class, and I saw a little 7-year-old who captured the innocence and love that children hold and we want for the world. In the middle of the show, Emily dedicates a song to Ellen called "Once Upon a Wish." This song was to honor the wedding of Ellen and Portia.

I found this moment beautiful and a wonderful reminder of what we seem to lose as we grow older. She sees nothing wrong with same-sex marriage, but sees the beauty of two people who love each other and have had their wishes come true.

If more people would understand the simplicity behind what this girl sees, the world would be such a wonderful place....

Making wishes,

Stacy

Hard on me

2008-11-17T07:22:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I just wanted to update after the rallies that took place on Saturday all across the country. I was inspired and deeply thankful for the many GLBT people, their friends, and family who participated. I am humbled by your support and you earnest efforts to fight the injustices of days past.

I have to say, I spent a long time struggling with whether or not I would attend. I had terrible mixed feelings. After speaking with my wife, her brother, and my friend matt, I came to the conclusion to not go. I chose to spend the day as I would if this were any other Saturday. I watched football with friends. I have a slight pang of guilt, but it rejuvinated me. The time away from thinking about all of this made me relax for the first time since the election. While I feel guilt, I also breathed a small sigh. For the first time since the vote, my life went somewhat back to normal.

Reasons for not going.
1. Iowa feels very foreign to me. Being away from California has been hard on my heart. There are wildfires affecting my friends and their families. There are students losing their homes and their possessions. Going to a rally in Iowa to protest while all of this is going on just seemed not the right thing to do. If I were in California, I would have felt a strong pull to go and I know I would have stood next to my friends. Here, it just doesn't feel right. I don't really know how to put this into words, but I hope you understand where I am going with this thought.

2. I have been very angry at how some people are fighting back. There are a few people on my end who have been attacking faith and people who were a part of the yes vote. While I understand their anger, I am appalled by their methods. I do not think this is a battle over religious values in America, but a battle over the manipulation and lies that religious organizations use in politics and elections. To attack faith is to attack the person. Where the fault lies is in misguided interpretations of the bible by people who follow religious doctrine in a literal sense. To attack the doctrine or the laws which have been made by political and religious ideologies is the winning ticket. To attack the people who incur those get us nowhere. Proposition 8 was about lies and fear. Set the record straight. Let's bring this back to the truth. Take a tip from the Prop 8 people when they said, "We don't hate gay people. We are just trying to protect marriage." We don't hate the church. We are just trying to protect our rights as American citizens.

3. I did not really have a chance to mourn the loss of something I held dear. I have been told I ride the fence in a lot of cases. I look like a dyke, identify as a dyke, but am referred to as "The straightest gay person alive." I am a self-professed straight gay. I am conservative in positioning and find sense in a moderate position. I can count my "gay friends" on both hands, but find a calculator necessary for my straight friends. I frequent brewpubs over gay bars. I find comfort in all walks of life. I grew up in the church. I have faith. I have both friends who support me by learning and trying to learn and those who would walk over fire for my rights. To some, I probably look like a sellout. Not gay enough. Not active enough. Not radical enough. I say, at least people are listening to me. I speak to a different demographic. Where Yes people look at the more radical and turn away, I break bread with them over coffee. I have been feeling like I have had to play mediator in a lot of this. People are mad all over the country and they are mad at some of the people I grew up with. I am mad at them too, but I know them. I know their families. I know their churches. Let me talk to them before they tune out completely. Let their friends, who support us, talk to them about why it hurt them to see this pass. I have felt the heat from both sides and have felt a duty to be responsive to both. All we need is 3%. Because of my insistent effort to not make this a "Blame the __________" (fill in with race or religious doctrine) attack, I have not had a chance to really get out my full sadness. I am sad. Very sad. I want nothing more than a hug from my sorority sisters, my lifelong friends, and my family. I want nothing more than to share this with the people I grew up with. Being so far away, watching people attack each other, and being someone always seems to be riding the middle, I feel like I lost my chance. The rally was going to bring up a lot of feelings I was not ready to completely address without either my wife or those people around me. It was just not my time to do so.

I feel a sense of loss at not being at a rally in Pasadena, Norwalk, LA, San Francisco, etc. I feel a loss at not being able to stand with my fellow Californians and say, "We are hurt by this." I feel a sense of loss, but that loss only fuels me to write. For me, this is my protest. This is my march.

I am also glad this has happened the way it has. I have never seen people more united or angry. I also feel like this is a turning point in America. I am proud to be a part of it.

My wife and I got married June 19, 2008. We saw that marriage up for debate on November 4, 2008. We will renew those vows on June 13, 2009. We will fight by loving each other. That's what I call a protest.

Comment away,

Stacy

Exit Poll myths about Prop 8

2008-11-12T12:17:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

Please read this article from FiveThirtyEight.com on Proposition 8 myths. There are a lot of talking heads out there that are challenging certain groups in America for voting Yes on 8 without exploring the whole picture.

"Now, it's true that if new voters had voted against Prop 8 at the same rates that they voted for Obama, the measure probably would have failed. But that does not mean that the new voters were harmful on balance -- they were helpful on balance. If California's electorate had been the same as it was in 2004, Prop 8 would have passed by a wider margin."

I am seeing this specifically with African American and Latino voters. We can not forget that white voters comprised more of the overall "Yes" vote on the campaign. Yes, African American and Latino communities had disproportionate votes toward the "Yes" vote, but we need to blame this on a systematic push of lies on the airwaves and a lack of the No on 8 campaign reaching out to those communities.

Right now, there is an effort to place blame. I urge you to remember that does nothing to help in the end. If anything, it turns people off from listening. We must see where we can do better in the future toward outreach and providing the truth to all people.

White people, people of color, young people, older voters, people who follow specific religious doctrine that actively discriminates toward the LGBT community are all people we need to focus our efforts on. This is a systematic issue of institutional oppression. Be careful who you point your finger at.

"Instead of pointing fingers, let's have proposals; instead of each side working by itself, let's work together; only like this will we be able to win," - Vicente Fox

In due time,

Stacy

Where do we go from here?

2008-11-12T07:55:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

"When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change."

Thich Nhat Hanh

Over the last few days I have been bombarded with comments of sadness and of joy. On Tuesday, November 4, 2008, we elected a man who defied all institutional odds. An interracial person with a father from Kenya and a mother from Kansas, he attended Harvard Law and even impressed his professors by breaking through their expectations of him in politics. We shared in the joy of difference and breakthroughs. We made history. We also wrote discrimination back into the California constitution. The night was bittersweet for all of us affected.

In what seems to be all elections there are ballot measures that challenge state programs and laws. In California, Arizona, Florida, and Arkansas there were measures that discriminated against gay and lesbian people and, in the case of Arkansas, were directed at us, but affected unmarried individuals. These covert acts of homophobia often do affect others in the process.

While Arizona, Arkansas, and Florida all had measures that changed how we define marriage, California was the one that will break all historical records for LGBT people. California courts had legalized marriage for gay and lesbian people after a long battle in court. The court judged that same sex marriage was a right for all people in the state. In June, California made history. All eyes were on the courts as people from up and down the state came to marry across all counties. On June 19, my partner and I did the same. We were a part of history, but the fight was not over.

A ballot measure had been approved for the November election that would change the California constitution to reflect marriage as a union between a man and a woman. This would write discrimination into the constitution.

A long battle was waged by both sides. Yes on 8 used many lies and fear to sway voters to vote for the marriage amendment. They used children and fear tactics to sway voters to pass this proposition. No on 8 was less organized and felt the pain of losing on November 4, 2008. This was a sad day for all of us.

I cried much of the next day. I felt stabbed in the back. I pay taxes in California. I am from California. I went to church, school, youth group, summer camp, and played in little league and AYSO in California. I went to college in California. I have worked to better California. On November 4, 2008, I went to bed feeling betrayed by California. The state I loved and admired was full of people that let outsiders come in and scare them. The Mormon church, Focus on the Family, and other religious groups across America were part of the initiative to put this measure on the ballot. Large donations were made by people in Utah, Colorado, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Mississippi, Michigan, and Washington, D.C. Of the top donors for the Yes on 8 campaign (listed on the front page of Californians Against Hate), 8 of the 12 major donors were outsiders looking in. This pained me.

California has always been a place of support for all people. We open doors to everyone. We are the land of opportunity for people who want to be famous. We have mountains and oceans that are unlike anywhere in the world. The slogan from the California Travel and Tourism Commission has used in ads and marketing is, “Find yourself here.” I had always believed I could. When I felt the bitter pang of sadness on November 4, 2008, I realized I could no longer find myself there. The land of opportunity and happiness did not fully exist. California was living behind a mask of a smile on one side and a jeer on the other. The smog rolled in and what was once sunshine and support is gray and contradiction. There are more protestors on the street and people fighting each other. The California we all loved changed. We questioned our neighbors and their decisions. For those who did not visibly support the No campaign, we wondered if the house next door voted against us. This California we all knew was foreign to us. What hurt me most is that we let outsiders help make that decision for us. They did this by spreading fear and lies.

People all over the nation have lashed out at each other. We are in a lot of pain. I received phone calls from allies who were ashamed and who wanted to tell me how hurt they were by what had happened. I had people on facebook say to me that they voted "No" and would continue to fight. These people were feeling the same loss as I was. This wasn’t about the vote, but it was about the trust they had for their fellow residents. This was about the trust they had for their state. What I heard most was, “I am disappointed in California.” Knowing who was a part of changing the minds of Californians is what disappointed me the most. We allowed these outsiders to affect us by the lies they told.

Here they are (straight from No on 8 campaign, and supported by news organizations and lawyers across the state).

Fiction: Prop 8 doesn’t discriminate against gay people
Fiction: Teaching children about same-sex marriage will happen here unless we pass Prop 8
Fiction: Churches could lose their tax-exemption status.
Fiction: A Massachusetts case about a parent’s objection to the school curriculum will happen here
Fiction: Four Activist Judges in San Francisco made this decision for us
Fiction: If Prop 8 isn’t passed, people can be sued over personal beliefs.
Fiction: Pepperdine University supports the Yes on 8 campaign.
Fiction: Unless Prop 8 passes, California parents won’t have the right to object to what their children are taught in school
(To see who opposed proposition 8, click here)

They used children and religious freedom to attack a group of individuals who were trying to have equal rights under the law. They used these things to create fear in others. Under this guise, they also said they were there to “protect marriage.” Protect marriage from whom? Californians?

While we are angry and hurt, we need to be clear that these lies are what changed opinions. I was deeply saddened by how some people reacted over the vote. While we can be hurt and upset, anger and hate will get us nowhere. We need to be very clear to attack the lies and not the people who believe them. While we can point out certain organizations or religious groups, we need not blame the people in them. They have been told countless lies and are trusting of those people who tell them. This is an issue of trust and of understanding, not hate. This is an issue of fear and not hate. This is an issue of knowledge and not hate. Let me be clear that hate will bring us nothing but hate. Please stop attacking each other and start telling the truth about the lies that were told.

I have heard people attack the mormon church with letters of hate. I have heard people attack the African American and Latino communities with letters and words of hate. I have heard people attack their friends, relatives, associates, and congregations with hate. This gets us nowhere. We need to attack the lies that were told and bring it back to the issue at hand. People were misinformed. These were lies perpetuated by fear. Fear of each other and what we do not know.

The quote I put above establishes my point and gives a frame of reference. Do not blame the people. These people who voted yes just need the truth. They need to hear the stories of people who were affected by this vote. They need to know gay and lesbian people and see how similar we are to everyone else. They need to know there is nothing to fear by supporting a human being and loving them just as any other. This is not a time for blame, but for reason and understanding. This is a time for the ultimate act of love…treating others as you would have them treat you.

If we try to understand why people voted yes, we can open the lines of communication. You can not fight fire with fire. It does not work. Look to the previous post to see that Obama won the election by not giving in to hate and anger. He stood tall, defended the truth, and always repeated what he was going to do. We need to do the same.

Open the lines of communication and tell your story. Do it with compassion for the other person. Tell them there is nothing to fear. This is about love for fellow human beings and the American dream. We need to get back to the root of the issue. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. I believe someone got that right a long time ago…we can do this. We can do this by being honest and open. The fight is not over and does not have to be filled with anger. This movement is truly about hope. There is a hope for a better tomorrow where everyone is treated equally and loved equally.

In 2000, marriage was voted upon and we lost that battle 61.4% to 38%.
In 2008, marriage was voted upon and we lost that battle 52.47% to 47.53%
We are making change and changing opinions everyday and every year.

In this time of sadness and sorrow we need to treat each other with kindness. We need to share of ourselves. Do not be afraid to meet fear in the face and transform it. We can do this.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?'
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson

Let us liberate each other from this fear so the next vote transforms not only ourselves and our hearts, but transforms California back to a place where we can, once again, find ourselves.

Yes we can,

Stacy

Four Lessons Gay Marriage Activists Must Learn From Obama

2008-11-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I found this on The Huffington Post and it will help you understand my next blog posting which is currently in the works. Please read this to understand where my motivation lies.

In the words of Booker T. Washington, "I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him."

******

Lee StranahanPosted November 9, 2008 | 01:31 PM (EST) on The Huffington Post

Barack Obama won a historic and overwhelming victory. It's too bad the proponents of gay marriage don't seem to have learned much about how and why he won.

I am in total agreement with those who want gay marriage to be legal. They are right. Being right isn't enough.

In fact, many progressives have found an odd sort of contentment in being grumbling angry losers for years because they were so damn right. Now that Obama has lit the path for being both right and effective, it's time tor the conservatives to be the grumbling losers and time for progressives to chalk up victories on issues important to them by applying the lessons of this election.

1) Anger Loses
The protests and expressions of anger on the part of the GLBT community and their friends and family have been impressive. Thousands of people have taken to the street and their anger is justified. I don't think it's smart, however. I see no evidence at all that it's going to help advance the cause of gay rights.

If anger won elections, John McCain and Sarah Palin would now be the king and queen of America. McCain was practically bursting blood vessels in the last few speeches of the election and he lost in a landslide. Anger turned off the independents at the same time it fired up the base.

Just because anger is justified doesn't mean it's wise. That's where discipline comes in. As Obama said repeatedly, "Don't boo - vote." In other words, channel your emotions into something more productive then the easy road of making loud noises.

WWOD? The McCain campaign threw a fresh pack of lies at Obama every chance they got. The number of death threats towards him increased as the angry McCain campaign cranked up the rhetoric. If anyone was justified in their anger, it would have been Barack Obama. He could have struck back in anger and fired up the Democratic base to take to the streets to protest racism and lies.

Obama could have gotten angry.. He didn't. He won. We all won.

2) Get Organized
The No On 8 people have shown they can get big numbers out to a rally. So why couldn't they run an effective ad campaign, send out a clear message or win the election?

The Yes on 8 crowd had the advantage of a built in organizing system in the churches. It's the same organizational structure that explains why Fireproof, a Christian themed, ultra low budget movie with Kirk Cameron as the lead has grossed more than Oliver Stone's 'W'. Churches are good at getting groups of people to do things en masse. That's not a bad thing; it sure helps when they do charity work.

And the ability to organize people isn't a left / right thing; black churches helped Obama. There's a similar secular power with unions or groups like the National Rifle Association. None of it was harnessed by the people in favor of gay marriage to any significant degree.

Without that structural advantage, the pro gay marriage crowd needed to work harder and not be self satisfied. The forces that defeated gay marriage in California did what Obama did; they organized a diverse group of voters and got them out to the polls.

3) Outreach Works
Barack Obama showed that reaching beyond the base can yield big results. I haven't seen much evidence that the people who support gay marriage did much more than reach out to the people who already support gay marriage. In fact, rallies that have protesters yelling 'Mormon scum!' are negative outreach.

What if the gay community reached out to the black, Latino and Mormon communities that voted against gay marriage? What if instead of merely chalking up opposition to 'fear and hate' they went in churches and communities and started engaging in conversations? Would they meet with resistance? Of course. Would they see fear and hate? Absolutely. Changing a lifetime of thoughts and feelings isn't easy but the election showed us change does happen.

But African Americans, Latinos and Mormons all know firsthand the pain and frustration of discrimination. They have all seen their share of fear and hate. They know the value of marriage and family. The way to expose the things they have in common with their gay brothers and sisters is through dialog, not demonstration.

It may seem like an unlikely alliance but it's just as unlikely as getting a white working class guy to vote for a President whose middle name is Hussein.

4) Pick Your Battles
The Obama campaign showed a lot of discipline in picking which battles to fight and which to avoid. Here's a good rule; pick battles you can win.

The current tactic of trying to fight church tax exceptions is a dead on arrival loser of a battle. It's not going to happen.

Tax free churches have a long precedent in our society. It's a fight that will result in a direct battle with every religious organization in America, not just the ones opposed to gay marriage. Further, selectively going after the Mormon or Catholic church is a slippery slope. Trying to take away the tax exempt status of churches you don't like only makes it easier to take away that status for churches with inclusive agendas, like the Unitarian Universalists. Even that doesn't matter, however, since it won't happen.

Some people don't like the idea of picking battles because they want their entire agenda enacted right now. Well, wisdom says that 'perfect' is the enemy of 'good'. Incremental steps require patience but they work.

I believe that the enactment of Proposition 8 is a delay of the inevitable as our county moves towards a more perfect union. If my comrades will take a moment and learn the lessons of this last election, I hope that delay will be short.

Lee Stranahan is a writer and filmmaker who also blogs about politics at BobCesca.com which may sound like a contradiction but it's not but it is.

******

Pay close attention to point #1. Also, pay attention to his patience. We have to have patience and be clear on what we are fighting for. I refer back to Booker T. Washington for support during this time. Being strategic and calm wins elections. Let us reflect and move forward.

Yes we can,

Stacy

A video to tide you over

2008-11-11T17:12:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I have spent the last few hours posting older blogs from my personal blog site, Intellectual Fermentation. I hope you spend your time catching up while I continue to write after the recent election. The older blogs will put a better timeline to the hopeful musings before the election and the sense of fear, isolation, and motivation after.

I am currently writing another letter to America addressing the feelings I have toward where we should go from here. In the meantime, I want you all to watch a clip from Keith Olbermann's Countdown. I was deeply moved by this pundits desire to address America and their active discrimination toward people in the LGBT community. He made me cry and think about the world I now live in.

Please watch and comment as you wish. I hope we can learn from the allies who support us, not out of just an understanding of their fellow man, but out of a strong desire to create a better America for all of us. We are blessed to be in a nation such as this, and we should continue to make it a place for all people. The America that makes us proud.

This is a question of love. I fully agree.

Peace and Love,

Stacy

The day after the election

2008-11-11T15:24:00.000-08:00

November 5, 2008

Dear America,

I want to share with you my sense of elation and bitter despair at what took place on our nation's airwaves, polling places, voting booths, televisions, and conversations among friends and opponents over the course of two days. We waged a battle amongst ourselves the last 21 months and we need to reflect upon both the achievements we have made and the defeats that make us fight another day.

Barack Obama is the next President of the United States. The clouds parted and the sunlight shone through the sky. There was hope for tomorrow for a great deal of people who had never felt represented in American politics. The crowd roared "Yes we can" over and over in my living room. The feeling of true change took over and people talked of a better future. The weight of yesterday seemed somewhat smaller. There was a man, who did not look like me, but was a part of me up on stage telling me of a better life for myself and my children. There were children who could now imagine themselves as leaders of a new day because they saw their future up on stage.

My mother called, after his speech, crying tears of joy. She has seen more history unfold than us. She also shared the same sentiment that I did. I received the text message after our conversation that echoed my worry, "Now we have to keep him safe." She was around during the John F. Kennedy assassination and Bobby Kennedy's short battle before someone took his life. She saw change agents be persecuted and punished by people who did not agree. She tells the story on a trip with the family in our quiet walk around the Indiana University campus where she was a student, "I was standing right here when they announced that the president had been shot and was dead. I will never forget it." I was 22 and I will never forget that day.

I agree with her, in all honesty. I am not black. I do not understand the oppression that has been acted upon toward people of a different race in America. I only know what I have seen and heard. What I can witness is my own battle as a lesbian woman fighting for equality in an uncertain time. There is not a day that goes by that I don't worry about how speaking out and speaking up might affect my life. I do understand history. I have read books, seen movies, and heard stories enough to know that when words are spoken, someone judges them and acts in accordance to their own principles. We have been fighting wars on our own soil for a long time. They are called the abolition of slavery, the women's movement, the civil rights movement, the fight for immigrant rights, the gay rights movement, and many other marches, actions, and dissonance that have been practiced over time.

We have to keep him safe. We have to keep each other safe. We have to stand up together and fight. This battle, while taking one step closer toward equality, is not over.

In California, my marriage to my wife was tested. We married one year early because we were afraid of the political contributions of thinkers who were not forward. We were met with the possibility that if we waited to get married, we would wait for a long time. We took the plunge early to establish a bond between each other and our families. We promised to love one another through all things. To support one another in the struggles and the happiness. On election night, we were met with bitter feelings of a nation who refused to support that marriage. Proposition 8 is leading in the polls and does not see any reality of changing toward proving California as a tolerant land where everyone is equal. Our television commercials full of lush lands and beautiful oceans are tarnished in hate and fear. We are a state who says, "Come visit! We support 3/4 of you!"

I was deeply saddened by this news and it will continue to play a role in the feelings I have inside. I continue to be a second-class citizen in both my state and my country. I often wonder if Barack felt that way too.

What I do know is that I have an obligation to keep fighting. I have the power to make a difference and I will. I have friends who have been nothing but supportive and have made me cry on countless occassions by just saying, "I support you! I voted NO!" They don't do this for my approval, but they do this because they don't see me as anything less than myself. A friend. A wife. A partner. A daughter. A teacher. A student. A spiritual being.

I have an obligation to not back down. I have that obligation to them and to myself. The minute I let myself believe that I am not equal, I have lost. With their support and love, I feel 100% American. I feel 100% Californian. So while the clouds parted and the sunshine flowed through, there are still some dark spots keeping us cold. We can not forget our role in making history, but we can not be complacent and stop fighting.

Years from now, I will take my children and wife on a trip to Iowa. I will walk them over to the apartment where I used to live and show them the place where I heard that their mom and I would possibly not be married anymore. I will tell them "I was standing right here when they elected an African American man as President of the United States. I also was right here when they tried to take my rights as a Californian away. I will never forget that day." And then my children will take me and my wife aside and say, "Wow! How could people have done that? We will never do that to anyone ever." And I will say, "It was a different time. A time of much fear and of much more hope. We have come a long way, but must never forget the past and where we once were. What you can never forget are those people that are a part of your lives and once supported, and still support, your mom and I. They are the real hero's." The will be like me, at 22 with my mother, and they will never forget that moment.

At that time, we will have our rights and know that all was naught. We have to keep Barack Obama safe and we MUST keep each other safe. This is a time of great anguish for many of us, but also a time of great cheer. We know who is behind us and who we need to educate. We must keep each other safe from what is to come. We must be the change we wish to see in the world. If not us, who will protect our children and their future? I want to be able to teach my children that all men and women are created equal and have equal rights under the law. Isn't that the greatest gift we learned last night? That any of us, no matter the race or historical inequality, can come out and take the nation in a new direction of change and of hope? That's something to fight for. So, let's keep each other safe in the battle.

Prop 8 is not the end of this. Brown v. Board was not the end of this. We still have many miles to go before we sleep. Many miles to go before we can say, "YES WE CAN!"

With honor and respect,

Stacy

Election day

2008-11-11T15:22:00.000-08:00

November 4, 2008

Dear friends,

I don't even know how to describe my feelings right now. On the one hand, I have never been happier for a president than I am today. I feel somewhat represented in him and his ideological beliefs.

I was elated when he won. It was like winning the Super Bowl. There is a sense of calm and of victory.

At that point, I should have never hopped on my computer. Proposition 8, unless there is a major miracle and only NO votes were in absentee ballots, will pass, denying me the same rights as others.

So, I sat there watching an African American man be elected president while knowing my civil rights had been taken away. It is bittersweet. It is heartbreaking.

I cried all morning and night. my wife was a trooper. She has hope. She feels that we can win this in the courts...that the fight is not over. I am encouraged by her spirit.

I cry because there should not be a fight in the first place.

When do we learn our lesson? Was it not enough that we fought a battle on American soil for civil rights for African Americans? Was it not enough when we took the ban off interracial marriage? Was it not enough that women finally achieved the vote? How many laws can be overturned and injustices be righted before you get the picture? EVERYONE DESERVES THE SAME RIGHTS UNDER THE LAW!!! Women are protected, interracial marriages are protected, African Americans are protected...we are still fighting for equality, but we are protected.

My life is not protected. How can you stand that? Where do you want me? Is your next step to take away all my rights and strip me of my property? What the hell else do you want??? We have left your churches. We have left your organizations. We have left you alone. All we want is the same thing.

What is so scary about me???? What do you fear??? I just don't get it.

I am happy that Barack Obama is the new president. I am happy that he will change some things in America. It has been terrible for the last 8 years. Let's just hope he can change his mind and pray that he tries to protect my freedom and serve as my president. Wouldn't it be nice if all of us were protected and equal?

Without words,

Stacy

My fingers are crossed

2008-11-11T15:19:00.000-08:00

October 30, 2008

Dear friends,

For the past few weeks/months/years, I have been worried about this election. I live under the daily assumption that hell is going to open up, the voting machines tampered with, and McCain will be President. Satan will then pop up, a la someone's surprise party, and yell, "GOTCHA!" At that point, all the minions of hell will start shooting their NRA-approved Israeli Assault Rifles, shoot all the gays, liberals, liberal elite media, and anyone that is not a WASP or owns the company these people work/worked at while alive.

I don't think I am too far off from the reality we are living in right now. I felt like the 2004 election was someone from the (right) church running up to me with both middle-fingers up in the air yelling, "SUCKA'!" Again, I am not too far off from the reality. I feel like I have been screwed at every angle for the past four years in regard to the economy and in policy issues.

Let's take this past year as an example. My wife and I "had" to marry early in order to "possibly" stay married through another election cycle. If Prop 8 passes, my life will be up for debate in court. Excellent. I will have to defend my civil rights. I will make a vow to all of you now. If Prop 8 passes, I am taking everyone off my facebook that I know to be in support. I am tired of playing nice. I find the fight to play nice is very hard when the people on the other side are not. It's like a bully in a schoolyard. I have been picked on, abused, and tossed aside by a government and religious majority and if this passes, I am getting up and kicking ass while taking names. All my friends will be behind me. Eventually, bullies don't get away with it anymore. We grow up. We make money. We take back what was ours...ugh, can you see why this election needs to be over. I don't think I have had a bully free night in a long time.

I watched last night and couldn't help think, "I will be telling my children about this election." I haven't felt as passionate or in great need since Clinton in 1996. The country was in a good place and I felt protected. For the past 8 years, I feel like I have been abused and battered. I have felt knocked down, torn apart, and constantly running. I just hope I am able to relay to my children the day I finally felt free to feel good. The day I felt protected. I am so afraid of the other reality. That is one I should have never known.

There is a division and holy war happening in America right now. There is a constant battle with trying to create a united church and state. This angers me and confuses me. Who decided on our president being our moral compass? I surely didn't, nor did I ask for that type of watchdog on my life. I prefer to keep track of my life on my own.

I am scared for this Tuesday. I could be coming back to a CA that is not supportive. I love my family of friends and relatives, but this would be like receiving a celebration cake every day of the year. I am crossing my fingers...

Fingers crossed,

Stacy

Hate makes money unless you stop it.

2008-11-11T15:17:00.000-08:00

September 29, 2008

Dear friends,

Please look at this website. I choose not to link directly to it, so you know the site and learn the words that connect you to understanding.

http://www.californiansagainsthate.com/dishonorRoll.html#caster

As I was searching online today, I thought I might just take a quick second to check out how the NO on Proposition 8 campaign is going in CA. Since I am not home, I don't get the updates all the time with how the news is responding and how normal people are responding.

So, I was struck to find out that there was a website showing all of the donations to the yes campaign which strips marriage rights away from all people. The link above shows you that most of the people who are big contributors DON'T even live in California. Hmmm...interesting.

Also, I was interested to find out that some of the people on that list also support a myriad of other issues that hurt civil rights for all people. So, they are not getting my support through money and purchases. In particular, San Diego will be a place I research before I go. There seem to be a lot of people down there who hate the gays. And yes, voting no is a vote for HATE. No matter how you slice it, you are not a kind, nurturing, supportive person if you actively discriminate toward a group of people. I don't care how many different ways you try to slice it, hate is a part of that choice. It might not look the same way in your eyes, but it is hateful in mine.

Anyway, just wanted to add a little bit of info for people who want to take an active stand to not give money to products and people who are against others.

Make your own call. I say NO to 8 and NO to giving you my business.

Money makes power,

Stacy

Music influences us all

2008-11-11T15:09:00.000-08:00

September 10, 2008

Dear friends,

I am a sap. I don't think anyone would guess by just looking at me, but it is true. Sure, I have my moments where I would not fit the image or the statement, but I listen to folk, I cry at commercials and beauty. I have cried just looking at trees and the sky...eh, I told you. I can't help it. Sometimes life just catches up with me and I realize how lucky I am. I realize how beautiful life really is. See why I listen to folk?

Anyway, I was watching Ellen and Joshua Radin was a part of their wedding...fell in love. No, not with Portia. Although, I am jealous. They had a video with this song.

Today - Joshua Radin

Shoelaces untied
You can dry your eyes
Perfect shadows alive
Behind us
This is the day i make you mine

The way your hair lies
sometimes unrecognized
All the way from these today
on a train
Nothing to say if theres still time

But you are the one
I've been wating for today
And here comes the sun
That's been baiting on today

Lately i've lost my tongue
Today you found the sun
I know not long has grown
Well i thank god u came along

But you are the one
I've been waitng for today
And here comes the sun
That's been baiting on today

You looked right through me
When there was no one else
I sat beside you and became myself
Today... today

You are the one
I've been waiting for today
And here comes the sun t
Thats been baiting on today

And I thought to myself....there are songs that I have in my life that remind me of people and of moments. For instance, I don't think that I can listen to Madeline Peyroux and Brett Dennen without thinking about my time in Riverside with a good friend, the long night of talking, and the bench.

I can't listen to Counting Crows without thinking about another friend and our trip to Palm Springs, talking about life, and reliving the moments we have shared through friendship.

Counting Crows, House of Pain and other road trip specials are reserved for my friend from Texas.

I can't listen to Dixie Chicks, Garth Brooks, Aqua, and pretty much any other bar/country song without thinking about my college sorority sisters and the yacht club. Add a few more random lip jam hits and you have all of college.

*NSync is reserved for Residence Life. Hip Hop reserved for all the clubs I have been dragged to over the years. Ani DiFranco and my mentor from Sonoma who dedicated "In or Out" to me.

Catie Curtis' Radical is reserved for one of my students from Pitzer, my ex for some songs, and then Magnolia Street really seemed to make perfect sense when my partner came into the picture.

Songs for inner emotions and feelings...those songs that you have to hear to really understand me...well, the main songs are...
1. Silhouette - Catie Curtis
2. The World Spins Madly On - The Weepies
3. Nobody Knows me at all - The Weepies
4. My Stupid Mouth - John Mayer
5. I am a rock - Simon and Garfunkel
6. Please forgive me - David Gray
7. Blessed - Brett Dennen
8. Troubled Mind - Catie Curtis
9. A Long December - Counting Crows
10. Quidam - Cirque du Soleil

Then, there are the songs that just remind me of my wife. I am lucky. I married her once and I get to marry her again. I can't help but hear Today by Joshua Radin and fall for her again.

Here are hers. They will be hers always.

1. Today - Joshua Radin
2. Power of Two - Indigo Girls
3. Book of Love - Peter Gabriel
4. Desert Sunrise - Brett Dennen
5. A Case of You - Joni Mitchell
6. Have a little faith in me - John Hiatt
7. See the World - Gomez
8. Let Go - Imogen Heap
9. Gotta Have You - The Weepies
and others...mostly spanning Brett Dennen, Catie Curtis, The Weepies, Colbie Caillat, Indigo Girls, Melissa Ferrick, and Joshua Rabin. I could be forgetting some, but that covers it for now.

Moments and songs. It's an incredible thing....

I can't help but think of Steve Miller Band, Bob Dylan, Paul Simon, Donovan, Simon and Garfunkel, the Beatles, and other classic rock when I think of high school.

College was a blur of country, rock, boy bands....haha....the years of being DJ for a party here-and-there.

I can name moments and conversations with people where music reminds me of that conversation and moment that will be in my heart forever. I remember the feeling in the music that made my life change the second I heard the feeling.

I go to my ex-minister buddy for blues and jazz. My friend from Riverside for songs that hit the soul and make me remember who I am. My first love for songs that challenge me. My sisters for songs that make me remember what it is to laugh and have fun. My brother for those new moments. My wife for songs that complete me. I have a song for everyone. I have a moment for everyone. I am so thankful of those moments and times. Those feelings that moved me. Made me believe again. Made me live again. Made me love again. Made me be real again.

And to My wife,

But you are the one
I've been waitng for today
And here comes the sun
That's been baiting on today

You looked right through me
When there was no one else
I sat beside you and became myself
Today... today

You are the one I have been waiting for my whole life.
I love you. There is no one else.

To all those who read this, I encourage you to go and find your songs and those songs that remind you of others. Play them in the comforts of your home and reflect on the memories they have created. Remember the times you laughed, you cried, and you shared moments with others that have touched your soul. The beauty of life is in the smallest of things. Connect to those. Reach out to those. Find those. Live, laugh, love...

Stacy

Letter to Ellen

2008-11-11T15:03:00.000-08:00

July 12, 2008

Dear friends,

I wrote to the Ellen show today!

Dear Ellen,

My wife asked me to send you a letter in order to both be a part of your new location shoot. She is the most important part of my life and my new wife, so I was happy to do so. Also, I have been a fan for a very long time, so it was not too hard to convince me to do this.

Why do we want to be at the show? Well, let me tell you. I want to give my wife a honeymoon. We got married two days after the ban was lifted and the day after we flew in from Iowa. I am a full-time Ph.D. student at Iowa State University and my wife works in human services providing 24 care for adults with low and high-functioning mental retardation. Needless to say, we were both too poor to actually take a real honeymoon. We are now back in Iowa and would LOVE to be able to take our honeymoon to the ELLEN show! It would be a dream come true!

You might be saying, "why don't you tell us a little bit about your marriage ceremony"...well, I would love to.

We got married on June 19th at Norwalk Courthouse a full year before our planned ceremony in order to make a difference in the lives of our friends and family and possibly sway one more vote toward equal rights for LGBT couples in California. We chose Norwalk because it is near our house and close to where we were shopping for sunglasses that morning.

On June 19th, we shopped in the morning and received a phone call from my mother and father that went sort of like this...
Mom: Dad just got done at Grandma's house.
Stacy: Okay
Mom: Do you want to go over to the courthouse and get married now while we have time?
Stacy: Want to get married now?
My partner: Sure.
Stacy: We will meet you there.

We hopped out of Nordstrom's Rack and took off across Imperial to Norwalk. When we go there, there was a huge tent off to the side and a giant line in the front of the building. My partner and I worried about how long the line was, but I didn't know what it was for. We walked in and I asked if it was the line for the marriage licenses. The woman said no. She then asked if we had filled ours out online. We did, so she ushered us over to the line with the green sign. How romantic was that?

Anyway, there were about 4 other couples in line and only one we thought was gay. That was very depressing, as I was hoping for a giant gay influx of love. We got called to the next available window after the woman wearing the pink stained sweatpants and Hannah Montana-esque backpack had left. They were getting married that day too! What luck!

We filled out the paperwork online, so all we had to do was sign the paper and tell the guy we wanted to get married, get an additional copy of the license, and pay for the same-day ceremony service in the tents. My partner didn't like the idea of getting married in a tent, but I thought there was so much sanctity in the process, it had to be done. We had to then swear we were telling the truth on the license by raising our right hand in front of the plexi-glass window. I almost swooned right then.

We were done paying our bill and were told to exit out the back door to go over to the tent where they would call our number at 12pm. My mom asked if we wanted to request a woman to do the ceremony, but I didn't care, so we just took whomever came up to us.

We were greeted by a very Abe Lincoln looking man named Jim, wearing running shoes and a warm smile. Jim was sworn in to perform ceremonies especially for the big gay rush. He informed us that this was to be his first official gay ceremony, and that he was tired of doing heterosexual marriages all day. He said the most beautiful things in our cubicle with paper wedding bells and hearts attached to the walls under the tent. It was air conditioned, so I can't really complain. Even though the sarcasm is flowing, I could not have asked for a better marriage ceremony. We also found out that Jim goes to the same church that our friend(the pastor for the ceremony next year) goes to. He knows our pastor very well. That was awesome! It was fate!

Afterward, Jim thanked my parents for supporting us in this, as he wish he would have had the same support from his family when he came out. It was a very special moment I will remember forever. We are also including him in our ceremony next year (which we are saving for everyday!) My mother and father, two retired high school teachers, took both of us to Rubio's for lunch. Wooohooo! My partner and I couldn't ask for a better way to celebrate our new marriage to each other.

Right now, we are back in Iowa desperately trying to stay afloat under student loan debt and other bills. We are saving $100 a month in order to pay for part of our ceremony next year, which we are trying to do for under $3500 in California. By the way, you are ALL invited! I am working on my dissertation on the Texas Western v. Kentucky 1966 game, in Financial Aid, and in Athletics Compliance. My partner works at her main job and now does overnight shifts at the Women's Shelter in town. Not much has changed. We still love each other immensely, watch our tivo for the Ellen show, and enjoy each other in the moments of silence and among friends when both of use are at home and not working.

I would love to be able to get my new wife a honeymoon before 2015, which would be about the time it would take for me to save up for one as cool as this. I would also love to be able to do anything I can for her. She makes me laugh, love, and want to constantly be a better person! How could you not try to do this for her?

So, I ask you...Can we come?

Thanks so much Ellen. You are a constant inspiration for me and her. Your honesty and passion for life is outstanding and I try to live as good a life as you have. I even show your coming out episode in my lesbian studies class because you have made such a huge impact on me. My motto is to live openly and honestly. To show what is in your heart and give to others all you can. Thank you for helping me do that by being who you are!

Looking forward to possibly meeting or seeing you one day down the road,

Stacy

****

We heard nothing back, but it was a fun exercise in reaching out to those who impact both of us. I encourage you to do the same.

Love,

Stacy

We did it!

2008-11-11T14:49:00.000-08:00

June 25, 2008

Dear friends,

Well, where do I start? My partner and I arrived in California on the 18th of June to WARM weather. We left the pup at home and still miss him everyday, but we were afforded the opportunity to truly elope without him.

On June 19th, we shopped in the morning and received a phone call from my mother and father that went sort of like this...
Mom: Dad just got done at Grandma's house.
Stacy: Okay
Mom: Do you want to go over to the courthouse now while we have time?
Stacy: Sure. We will meet you there.

We hopped out of Nordstrom's Rack and took off across Imperial to Norwalk. When we got there, there was a huge tent off to the side and a giant line in the front of the building. My partner and I worried about how long the line was, but I didn't know what it was for. We walked in and I asked if it was the line for the marriage licenses. The woman said no. She then asked if we had filled ours out online. We did, so she ushered us over to the line with the green sign. How romantic was that?

Anyway, there were about 4 other couples in line and only one we thought was gay. We got called to the next available window after the woman wearing the pink stained sweatpants had left. They were getting married that day too! What luck!

We filled out the paperwork online, so all we had to do was sign the paper and tell the guy we wanted to get married, get an additional copy of the license, and pay for the same-day ceremony service in the tents. My partner didn't like the idea of getting married in a tent, but I thought there was so much sanctity in the process, it had to be done. We had to then swear we were telling the truth on the license by raising our right hand in front of the plexi-glass window. I almost swooned right then.

We were done paying our bill and were told to exit out the back door to go over to the tent where they would call our number at 12pm. My mom asked if we wanted to request a woman to do the ceremony, but I didn't care, so we just took whomever came up to us.

We were greeted by a very Abe Lincoln looking man named Jim. Jim was sworn in to perform ceremonies especially for the big gay rush. He informed us that this was to be his first official gay ceremony, and that he was tired of doing heterosexual marriages all day. He said the most beautiful things in our cubicle with paper wedding bells and hearts attached to the walls under the tent. It was air conditioned, so I can't really complain. Even though the sarcasm is flowing, I could not have asked for a better marriage ceremony. We found out that Jim goes to the same church that our friend Ed (the pastor for the ceremony next year) goes to. He knows Ed very well. That was awesome! It was fate!

We called or texted everyone we could and then posted the rest on facebook. We are happier than we have ever been.

Love,

Stacy

My thoughts before November 4, 2008

2008-11-11T14:46:00.000-08:00

June 16, 2008

Dear friends,

I know I have been very silent on the issue, I want to make sure everyone knows that I will be getting married in the next few weeks. My partner announced this on her blog the other day, so I thought I would give you all a heads-up to what the plans are.

We will be getting our marriage license on the 19th (hopefully) and are trying to plan our civil ceremony for June 27th. At that point, we would be married in the courts. We are trying to do this before the November election, as the people of California are not the most predictable in regard to voting for this issue. Our marriage ceremony would be on June 27th, 2009, so we can do this whole thing in grand style...with beer, wine, bands, and much expected Hoopla! It seems, instead of eloping, we are not making it much of a surprise.

In the past, California has voted to make marriage between a man and a woman. I don't believe this was a "constitutional amendment" switch, but I do know it was overturned by the court this past month. A lot of people don't really know what will happen to the people married before November, but I would rather have the possible security of "real" marriage for just a little while. If, by doing this, we can change the mind of one voter, we are all set to go. This is a very political move for me. One that I am not used to. I am really not that political, I don't think. I just try to be as open as possible about my life and help students achieve success over their lifetime. If that's political, than chalk this up to one more notch on my belt.

My partner is one of the best things to ever happen to me. I have calmed down considerably and appreciate the struggles and happiness behind trying to achieve balance among two individuals and a furry little creature (our dog buddy). I have been challenged in my independence and how I handle things. I have also been challenged on patience and perseverance. They are all good challenges that make me a better person. I lead a pretty damn good life. To say that my life is separate but equal is quite a different perception than I have ever had.

So, the plan is to get married while we are home, sans rings and all other stuff we are saving for 2009. We will keep people posted who want to be a part of it (civil ceremony) while we are home. Then, plan for the 2009 wedding in the backyard of either our house or my parent's house.

If our marriage gets overturned, I will deal with it. We will deal with it. We are ready for whatever may come. We will be sad, but we have been sad before. We will overcome. What we know is that we both want kids. We want those kids and ourselves to be protected. We also want people to know how much this means to us, as we are moving it up much quicker and changing the course of our previously "planned" wedding. We are willing to do this because we hope we might be a part of the movement. We hope we might be able to be one of the couples who is able to stay married. We hope we will be able to make a difference in our lives and in our future lives. Since we believe marriage officially happens in the court and the ceremony is a completely different celebration, we are making the commitment early.

Please get the word out to vote this election. I will be voting in the November election. My parents will be voting in the election. This is a serious time with serious ramifications. A yes or a no changes lives. One stands for equality for all. One stands for discrimination and separation. Does this remind anyone of anything? This has nothing to do with the "sanctity" of marriage. This has to do with not accepting my life. But, this really has to do with equal rights under the law. Hell, with the way the world has been, I am surprised gay people even have the right to vote.
There are still people who believe gay people need exorcisms (we are being taken by the devil), shock therapy, counseling, and other forms of torture to get over "this thing". They still believe I am choosing this "lifestyle". Crazy, huh?

Anyway, back to happy and not morbid. We are getting HITCHED!! Enough said!

Love,

Stacy

Conversations about marriage

2008-11-11T14:36:00.000-08:00

June 5, 2008

Dear friends,

I have been online all morning thinking about this upcoming summer and the November Election. Equality California, one of the leading advocacy groups for gay marriage in California, posted the recent news of the amendment on the bill for the November election named Proposition 8. The Bill, sponsored by right wing individuals, with the help of churches and people outside of California whose sole goal is to defend "marriage" around the country, was announced as active and on the November 2008 ballot.

What does this mean for me?

Well, a few things, which I am going to talk about in this blog.
1. The right to marry could be overturned in California. My partner and I will not be able to be a legal union and could possibly lose all domestic benefits, depending on what the measure actually states.
2. My partner and I might try to move our wedding date up to Christmas 2008.
3. As per a conversation with my mother, it brings up feelings most people don't have or will never think about in their lifetime.

Myself: it's interesting...I never, in my wildest dreams, would have imagined my life to be a political statement
Mom: well, me either
Myself: hmm...just very crazy

I wonder about this all the time. I wake up in the morning knowing that living my life the only way I know how is a political statement. By giving my parnter a hug and kiss and telling her I love her offends people. I make people mad by being alive. How many people wake up thinking this?

Do I think about this everyday?

Yes.

I really do. I can't help it. It is hard to get stares from people when you walk into a room. You don't think this actually happens, but it does. I know when people are talking about me. I know why they are talking about me. It's crazy.

When people see me, they assume I am gay (which I want) and place that as my full identity. They don't see that I am the best partner I can be. They don't see how much I love my partner. They don't see my love of dogs (especially Buddy, our beloved West Highland White Terrier known as "buddy bear"). They don't know my past. They don't know my loves. They don't know my aspirations. They only see what I look like, who I am holding the hand of, and one room in my house as a definition of who I am.

Am I a political statement? Yes. I am walking politics. Are you a political statement? Are you protected by the law? Are you worried about what someone might do to you based on who you love?

Why do I want marriage.
Mom:...this is largely symbolic anyway...your october ceremony will be as official as any marriage is, since marriage in my mind is religious in nature...civil union still exists
Myself: yeah, I guess so
Mom: the idea of marriage is deeply personal...if you commit to each other in a religious ceremony, then that's binding on you emotionally, spiritually...
Myself: yeah, I know
Mom: i do understand why you want to do it before november, though
Mom: hard to pass up
Myself: yeah, it's more of the notion of being one of the numbers. If a whole lot of people get married and people overturn it, it is very symbolic
Myself: and the idea that I was "married" for even a whole day
Myself: would be neat
Myself: and meaningful
Mom: true

I want my life to be real and meaningful. I just want it to be equal. I would like to not fear having children and worrying about them getting hurt because the laws don't side in their parents favor. I want them to be protected. I want to be protected. I want what others have but are not really willing to fight for others to have.

Is this a lot to ask. I don't know. I guess we will just wait to see when November comes around.