Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Post for a cold day

Dear readers,

I thought I would fight off the terrible Iowa weather (i.e. the start of fall and the end of my shorts season) by posting one of my favorite conversations of all time. It really needs no introduction, so I will keep it brief. This conversation illustrates some of the finer points of the english language and the cultural differences that add humor to the world.

Just read. This is the famous "Ink Pen" conversation.

Me: The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool
Me:I could quote shakespeare all day long
Friend: I wish it made me feel better
Me: Nothing will come of NOTHING
Me: The worst is not, so long as we can say, "This is the worst"
Me: I forgot about King Lear
Friend: he never stopped thinking about you
Me: yeah
Friend: what did you have for dinner last night?
*ignored friend for about 2 minutes*
Friend: HEY - Batwoman
Me: I ate a piece of Catfish
Me: that I cajunized
Friend: intersting ... i wonder why people don't say that they ate a piece of cow
Me: yeah
Me: they say Steak to make themselves feel better
Friend: haha
Friend: yeah .. you could only sell cow pieces for about 2.99/lb
Friend: and why does the name Catfish have the word fish in it? Who thought up that brilliant name? We get it - it's a fish...just seems redundant to me
Me: yeah
Me: well, if you called it cat, I think some people would have a problem
Friend: I suppose ... would have been easier to think up a name that hadn't been used already
Friend: I have the same issue with kansas city, oklahoma city, new york city
Friend: pick a different name, for fuck's sake
Me: Yeah
Friend: We get it - they are cities
Friend: haha
Me: It's hard to tell with all the big buildings
Friend: Maybe i should drive there in my nissan maxima car
Me: It could have been Oklahoma Farm if we didn't make sure we named is first
Me: Well, you could take the freeway road
Friend: haha
Friend: I'll have to bring lots of dollar money with me
Me: Don't forget the quarter coins for parking
Friend: yes
Friend: and i'll walk around for hours and hours on the sidewalk concrete
Friend: and drink lots of beer alcohol
Me: Be sure to check out Norstroms Store
Friend: and listen to jazz music, rock music, and blues music
Me: Maybe I should join you on my bicycle transportation to save on gas fuel
Friend: omg .. that reminds me of a phrase i sued to hear in KY all the time .. drove me NUTS
Friend: people there would always say "ink pen"
Me: hahahaahahahahaha
Friend: what other kind of pens are there?
Friend: is that so i don't get confused and write with a coal pen?
Friend: or a blood pen?
Friend: or a urine pen?
Friend: the first time I heard some dumbass say that, especially with the accent, it took me about 20 times to figure out what he was saying
Friend: Hey, lemme borrow your ink pen
Me: don't forget about a lead pencil
Friend: haha
Friend: or the chalk chalk
Me: That's a little redundant, don't you think?
Friend: and bring your clock watch so you know what time it is
Me: Shit, I have to pack my paperback book and hardcover books still
Friend: burn them
Me: what would I use, a matchstick?
Friend: with fire
Friend: make sure you use the flame fire though ... that's the best kind
Me: yeah, I wish I had my hand-held personal fire lighter
Friend: does it have a flame?
Me: yes
Me: sorry, hand-held personal fire flame lighter
Friend: is it also hand operated?
Me: yes
Me: hand-held, hand operated personal fire flame lighter
Me: I think I lost mine in the great car cleaning of 2006
Friend: ok .. this is just sad ...
Me: what?
Friend: this is a line from an ad for the Oshkosh converntion and visitors bureau ...
Me: why are you looking at that in the first place?
Friend: "Notice what Oshkosh has to offer you ... From Sawdust Days to the Leach Ampitheater, Oshkosh guarantees you will notice the excitement of the city"
Friend: it is in a magazine
Friend: that's the best they could come up with??? sawdust days????
Friend: Oshkosh offers it all
Me: yeah, it seems to
Friend: I could never live there .. I would just feel too dumb saying the name all the time
Friend: Oshkosh - hey, it ryhmes
Friend: why didn't they just name it umpa lumpa and be done with it?

After this, both of us became silent for about 15 minutes as my friend read the conversation again. I was working.

This is what I received next.

Friend: haha
Friend: hahaha - pretty funny
Me: you re-read it?
Friend: our conversations are the weirdest, most random streams of thought
Friend: it's like a dream sequence during the REM phase of sleep

Best conversation for a rainy day. I hope you enjoyed our REM dream sequence.

Stacy

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