Monday, October 17, 2011

I have MOVED

This blog will serve as an archive, but this blog has moved....and the goals of the blog have evolved.

I am looking for additional is the blurb. Join me if you are interested! Comment or email LFLU on the wordpress account.

Good afternoon everyone,
I started Letters from the Lesbian Underground during the 2008 Presidential Campaign as an outlet to my thoughts and feelings about culture, race, ideologies, and personal matters that affect the lives of Lesbians in the world. The blog was nothing more than a platform to convey my frustrations and celebrations to individuals, groups, and the Nation through letters ( The more I wrote, the more I thought something was missing….

My voice was only one opinion. This blog needed to be more voices and more thoughts. It needed to be larger than one individual. The movement of people and cultures may start with an individual, but it takes a group of people with passion and vision to enact real change.

So, this is where you come in. I am looking for people who are willing to be part of this project. Your level of commitment would be up to you. Write when you have something to say. Write when you feel inspired. Write when you want to stick it to the man. Just write.

If you are interested, please contact me with your email preference and I will add you to the LFLU ( writers listing. All you would need to do is create a handle and start writing. By signing up through wordpress, you will have the ability to connect your own personal blog or just keep that to yourself and have that page serve as a bio.

If you are prepared to join me in the journey of voices, then I must say, “Welcome to Letters from the Lesbian Underground!”

Friday, April 29, 2011

Life throws tumbleweeds that eat you alive

Dear friends,

This writing thing is just so sporatic for me. I have moved back to my Southern California homeland and find myself juggling just a bit more than my Iowa lifestyle was used to. I grew calm in the loss of things to accomplish. Sitting on the couch, looking at the snow, trying to stay warm...those were the things that were strenuous. Southern California, and its overabundant craziness is taking a bit longer to get used to.

I love it. Don't get me wrong. How can you not love the daily weather. I have no more seasonal depression. I don't feel like I am going to get stuck in a ditch, eaten by a wampa ice creature, and my family has to use the fur of the wampa to survive. It's good to not have those fears.

I do lean on a little complaining as there is just so much to do. There are people that I actually see. I am not a shut-in. I travel to them on a freeway and hang out. I drive on a bloody freeway....not a dirt road, but a BUSY freeway. I'm in an alternate universe. After living a very (almost) solitary existence (w/a wife and dog), I find myself surrounded by parents, an additional animal, old friends, brother, visitors, a full-time job with more people, and thousands of beer options. It's quite overwhelming.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, I am freaking overwhelmed with life. I need a break. I need a cabin. I need an isolated cabin (wampa free) with just my wife and two dogs. I can feel the peace now. I need an isolated wampa-free-cabin, the wife and dogs, no allergies, and beer. No, I need an isolated wampa-free-cabin, the wife and dogs, no allergies, beer, and a pillowtop king bed, deluxe bathroom and 90 inch screen television. Yes, that's it. I feel better already.

Yes, a hypoallergenic isolated wooded area. Oh, did I mention I am allergic to everything? Yup, I have a severe allergy for every season. I have a severe allergy for trees, grass, molds, dust, and weeds that grow everywhere. The doctor told me that's why I get sick all the time. Really? That is odd. Why would someone who never has a break from the world ever get sick? Doesn't make any sense at all to me. Yes, that's what I need an isolated wampa-free-hypoallergenic-isolated-wooded-area, the wife and dogs, no allergies, beer, and a pillowtop king bed, deluxe bathroom and 90 inch television.

What to do about food? Oh, I am allergic to those too. No potato, corn, coffee, cocoa, milk, pecans, clams (don't even start), baker's yeast, eggs, banana, orange, apple, and garlic. GARLIC? Are you kidding? Garlic is the official spice for EVERYTHING. Anyway, I would like to find an isolated wampa-free-hypoallergenic-isolated-wooded-area with the wife and dogs, no allergies, beer, and a pillowtop king bed, deluxe bathroom, 90 inch television, and allergy free food. Ahhhh, yes, that sounds better.

Of course, I will want to leave that cabin in less than a week, but I feels good to dream about it.

Ahhhh dreams....just as good as virtual reality.

silly wampas.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

No sleep till Popeyes.

I am really tired today and have been running on rocket fuel (Lo-carb monster energy drinks). I got a little loopy and this is what happened.

Never IM and sleep at the same time.

me: I'm on my second energy drink

Becky: jeez! i had a lg dr pepper with my taco bell and that lasted me through the afternoon
me: screw that...I am running on rocket fuel

Becky: hahahaha

Positive K - I Got A Man
it's a good reminder how far society has come

Becky: i need some orange spandex now

me: heh

Becky: and maybe some scrunchy socks to work out in

me: those need to die
they still sell them

Becky: i know
it's criminal

me: so are leggings though

Becky: those are only ok if you are 18-20 and tiny as shit

me: that's a narrative that is not true
you know what else is not okay

Becky: jean leggings?

me: someone inviting me to get lunch at Chick-fil-A

Becky: are you anti-chicken or anti-christian chicken?

me: ummm Popeyes
I'm anti-poor-choice

Becky: ah, i see
popeyes is far superior
it being southern and all

me: umm, is there another chain that serves decent chicken?
KFC is a shit bomb
and Chik-Fil-A can't even spell anything correctly

Becky: there's a place called Raisin' Caines that has phenomenal chicken fingers

me: you might as well drink a vat of vegetable oil

Becky: they're only in college cities tho

me: it's cheaper and tastes about the same

Becky: started in BR, btw

me: gotcha

Becky: you've had raisin caines?

me: you are totally ruining my complaining
I have not had them

Becky: they mean business!

me: My soapbox is no longer

Becky: hahahahaha
that's what i can do for ya!

me: it's really unfair because you can't bring in a non-national chain

Becky: they're going national - slowly but surely
their dipping sauce is super addictive


Becky: LOL - you are insane

me: no, just tired
although, insanity is close to godliness
so FoxNews says

Becky: true dat

me: maybe I'm just the next jesus
maybe I could be someone's personal jesus

Becky: if i decide to go all religious on you, you'll be the first to know!

me: or I could just buy a depeche mode cd
I need sleep
and this is totally going on my blog

*I need help*

Monday, August 16, 2010

Dog Beach

The wife and I took Buddy to dog beach. He didn't like it. I found it hilarious that Buddy had trouble understanding the ocean. I think it's because he isn't a California native. Maybe he only dreamed about the ocean and learned about it from watching Laguna Beach on MTV. One can only guess.

Buddy is from Missouri and moved to Iowa when we rescued the little bugger. His first bout with snow was actually much easier than his attempt at the ocean. He romped and roamed around flicking the snow up in the air and catching it in his mouth.

You need to know he loves water. He loves to swim. Even though those are both facts, he had a different opinion about the ocean.

Here are his thoughts translated for your reading pleasure.

"What am I walking on?"

"Why is that man wearing a piece of floss? Put some clothes on."

"What the F**K is that foam?"


"Is that water? Why is it chasing me? Why is it leaving? Why is it chasing me? Is that water?"

"This water tastes like a salt lick"

"You go in. What the hell do I need to experience this for?"

"OH COME ON! Was bringing me in the water absolutely necessary?"

"These other dogs are idiots."

Needless to say, we made it about 30 mins before he completely gave up. He ran toward the water and ran away when it came back. It reminded me of a little child on his first trip to the beach.

You might ask: Stacy, will you be going back? Yes. We will be taking buddy to a different beach and trying again.

Will he enjoy the trip? I doubt it.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The loud few

Dear friends,

I have a very cool thing to write this week. I know I don't update all that often, and I don't talk too much about serious things, but I have been touched and thankful for something a friend of mine did the other day. Let me preface by clarifying this friend is straight, a sorority sister, and straight...oh yeah, did I mention she is super straight? It's true.

Well, regardless, she has been embroiled in a facebook discussion with one of her old "friends" from high school. This "friend", as she puts it and I will now refer to a Jaqueline Dumas, is mad about the Harvey Milk Day bill that was just approved by the conservative Republican Governor of California. This day would be recognized as a special day (kids would still have to be at school) but the day would be recognized in California just like Martin Luther King Jr. & Cesar Chavez Day. Well, not officially, as those days the student have off from school, but I digress.

Anyway, the girl (Dumas) posted some jargon about how California is disappointing her for dedicating a day to a child molester, gay man, and felon. Then, she went on to post an article from a super-duper right wing faction newspaper and their fake journalist about how we are all going to burn in hell for the political decisions that we have made. My friend questioned her allegations and was told that Dumas got all her source material from Google. My friend, the paralegal, got her information from a little different source that wasn't WhiteJesuswiki and set the record straight on Harvey Milk.

This is where it gets fun. Another "friend" of the "friend", whom I shall refer to a Tweedle DUMB decided to respond to my friends post. She proceeded to tell my friend that she knows where her heart is and knows that those who wish to join the kingdom of heaven (probably doesn't have beer or wine there) would have to set the record straight with their Lord and Saviour. My friend responded with a retort about how she was thankful she was being told she was going to hell for supporting Harvey Milk Day. The girl denied saying anything about hell and.....well, you know how the rest of this goes. Being gay is a choice, being gay is against the Lord's will, gays are evil, being gay is like Saved by the Bell: The New Class, etc, etc, blah blah, blah blah

Here is where I respond with some thoughts.

1. I love my friend. I think the hardest thing about being a friend to gay people is having to finally open your eyes and ears to the idiots in the world. I have been hearing nothing but crap like this for years. I am used to it. When it starts to annoy my uber straight friends, watch out world, we are coming to get you.

You f**ked with the wrong straighty.

2. I am thankful for those people who stand up for the gays. We get tired. I have a special gay de-stresser mantra I go through when I get annoyed or saddened by the inaccuracies that are put out there. I usually put on some Glee or NCIS and say, 'stupid people get in the way of my tv time....stupid people get in the way of my tv time.....'

3. Do we delete these people? I don't know.

4. In all seriousness, I am thankful for all the people out there who are having these discussions and actually standing up to the idiots who use facebook as a political forum for straight, white, heterosexual "justice." It needs to be done. By not saying anything because we confirm these viewpoints to be "idiotic," we essentially allow them to continue. Plus, gay people are tired of fighting alone. I had to delete all the people that were driving me nuts during Prop 8 because I felt overwhelmed by the "Yes on 8" stuff. It made me sad. I got tired and frustrated. Some people don't realize how much we see all this kind of stuff. It is everywhere. It's with a small "It's so gay" on the bus. It's with a loud "faggot" being spoken at a football or softball game. It's with these things being said and no one saying anything except the gays. Here are the truths...

Gay Truths
1. Gays get sad.
2. Gays get overwhelmed.
3. Gays get tired.
4. Gays need help.
5. Gays love parades about as much as the Irish.
6. Gays hear negative stuff every single day.

So, when one of my friends does even the slightest thing like this, it keeps me motivated. It keeps me going. It gives me just a little more energy to tell the kid on the bus to stop saying those words. It gives me a little more energy to speak up again. When this kind of stuff happens, it makes me less of an exhausted gay. I am thankful for these little moments, because they are few-and-far-between the rest of the other moments...

So thank you straight friends. Thank you for declaring your support on Facebook, myspace, twitter, the blogs, and in person. Thank you. You just gave me hope again for a more positive future.


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

It's a dog's life for me.

Dear friends,

I would rather be doing what my dog is doing than working. Yes, you heard it here first...I think working (defined as 9-5pm, barely a lunch break to be seen, and dressing up...ugh) is overrated.

I know this is a bit of a "power statement," but I know it holds truth. We work all the time so we can have something fulfilled. Whether the fulfillment comes in monetary benefits, "making a difference", or keeping us busy, we all seem to have to do it. I propose something completely opposite. I suggest we take the "Dog's guide to life" approach. I know there is a book out there compiling this type of information, but I don't think he used my reasoning.

We should be like my dog.

1. When you are hungry, claw your owner (spouse, friend, anyone willing to pay for you) until they feed you. Don't back down. Just keep attacking. If they don't get up and give you food, then bark or whine at them. Not only is this a tactical approach, it uses guilt as its most valuable weapon. Kids have learned the same tactic. The girls on MTV's Sweet 16 seem to have it down to a science. Screw unconditional love, get me a cheeseburger. When it comes down to it, this requires little work for food. A few barks or yells here, and a few band-aids there, Voila!

2. Find fulfillment in sleeping long hours. I think we should move to a European (certain countries) style of working. Short hours, work done in spurts, drinking all other hours, dancing until late at night, then sleeping in, and doing it all over again. It sounds good to me. Buddy wakes up, eats, works a little on his bone or sheep that actually makes noises when you bite it, and goes back to bed. He repeats this same practice about three times during the day. I say we do the same thing. He seems to have a happy life working short hours. Why can't we?

3. The Dog Park as a vacation. Buddy and the dog park are like peanut butter and jelly. They just make sense together. I think he might believe he is going off to Bermuda or San Diego. The guy just loves his little short vacations. He goes to visit friends he has made. He sniffs around, pees a little leaving his mark for others to smell, and occasionally stops to take a good wiff of the wind. I say we do the same thing. Hell, in Iowa, going to Des Moines has become a vacation. The wife and I load up in the car, go to Costco, grab a beer at a sub-par microbrewery, and say hi to some friends who are too lazy to get their ass up to our area. Why travel extensively when you are on a budget like most of us are? Take the small trips. Use them to your advantage. During the winter, a trip to Des Moines can mean the difference between me killing everyone in sight or letting one extra jackass drive past me at 75 mph in a whiteout.

4. Digging holes to nowhere puts a smile on the face. Buddy loves digging holes to nowhere. Is there a worm down there? A small woodland creature? Who the hell knows. I don't think it matters. Since my pup is of the terrier persuasion, he loves digging holes to nowhere. I think we can find the same fulfillment in our lives. I often dig holes to nowhere. I might spend 13 hours working on some sort of project only to find myself scratching my head, laughing, and then going to sleep fulfilled. Hell, at least I did something with my day, even if the bookshelf is crooked, falling over, and has given me 45 splinters. It was totally worth it because the beer was good. There's nothing better than doing something with all your might, regardless of the outcome. I dig a LOT of holes.

5. Put your head out the window when driving. How many of us forget to open the windows on a really nice day? I see cars that have their windows closed, the air on, the music on, and BORED people. It's very depressing. I say, put those windows down. Hell, keep on the air if you have to. Put the windows down and let the air come in. Don't worry about your hair. If you are anything like me, you don't have much. Stop worrying. There's freedom in having the wind in your hair and the world in front of you. If Buddy likes it, so can I. Bugs have tons of protein, so stop complaining.

6. Dressing up can be fun. Why can't it be Halloween all year? Who says you can't be a Pirate all day long?

7. Keep your shades on. Buddy has a pair of Hannah Montana glasses that he doesn't actually mind wearing. While on the trip back out to Iowa, from California, Buddy decided to keep them on long after my wife originally forced him to wear the shades. He sat in the car with his head high, his ego fully in tact, and occasionally I felt him wishing he had cool parents. If he could have, I am sure he would have given us the paw. The thing he understood is that individual style matters. He was rockin' the shades for the long haul. Keep your shades on. Stay relaxed, cool, and comfortable. Life is too short to be a jackass.

Enough said.
Going home to take the dog out,


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Post for a cold day

Dear readers,

I thought I would fight off the terrible Iowa weather (i.e. the start of fall and the end of my shorts season) by posting one of my favorite conversations of all time. It really needs no introduction, so I will keep it brief. This conversation illustrates some of the finer points of the english language and the cultural differences that add humor to the world.

Just read. This is the famous "Ink Pen" conversation.

Me: The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool
Me:I could quote shakespeare all day long
Friend: I wish it made me feel better
Me: Nothing will come of NOTHING
Me: The worst is not, so long as we can say, "This is the worst"
Me: I forgot about King Lear
Friend: he never stopped thinking about you
Me: yeah
Friend: what did you have for dinner last night?
*ignored friend for about 2 minutes*
Friend: HEY - Batwoman
Me: I ate a piece of Catfish
Me: that I cajunized
Friend: intersting ... i wonder why people don't say that they ate a piece of cow
Me: yeah
Me: they say Steak to make themselves feel better
Friend: haha
Friend: yeah .. you could only sell cow pieces for about 2.99/lb
Friend: and why does the name Catfish have the word fish in it? Who thought up that brilliant name? We get it - it's a fish...just seems redundant to me
Me: yeah
Me: well, if you called it cat, I think some people would have a problem
Friend: I suppose ... would have been easier to think up a name that hadn't been used already
Friend: I have the same issue with kansas city, oklahoma city, new york city
Friend: pick a different name, for fuck's sake
Me: Yeah
Friend: We get it - they are cities
Friend: haha
Me: It's hard to tell with all the big buildings
Friend: Maybe i should drive there in my nissan maxima car
Me: It could have been Oklahoma Farm if we didn't make sure we named is first
Me: Well, you could take the freeway road
Friend: haha
Friend: I'll have to bring lots of dollar money with me
Me: Don't forget the quarter coins for parking
Friend: yes
Friend: and i'll walk around for hours and hours on the sidewalk concrete
Friend: and drink lots of beer alcohol
Me: Be sure to check out Norstroms Store
Friend: and listen to jazz music, rock music, and blues music
Me: Maybe I should join you on my bicycle transportation to save on gas fuel
Friend: omg .. that reminds me of a phrase i sued to hear in KY all the time .. drove me NUTS
Friend: people there would always say "ink pen"
Me: hahahaahahahahaha
Friend: what other kind of pens are there?
Friend: is that so i don't get confused and write with a coal pen?
Friend: or a blood pen?
Friend: or a urine pen?
Friend: the first time I heard some dumbass say that, especially with the accent, it took me about 20 times to figure out what he was saying
Friend: Hey, lemme borrow your ink pen
Me: don't forget about a lead pencil
Friend: haha
Friend: or the chalk chalk
Me: That's a little redundant, don't you think?
Friend: and bring your clock watch so you know what time it is
Me: Shit, I have to pack my paperback book and hardcover books still
Friend: burn them
Me: what would I use, a matchstick?
Friend: with fire
Friend: make sure you use the flame fire though ... that's the best kind
Me: yeah, I wish I had my hand-held personal fire lighter
Friend: does it have a flame?
Me: yes
Me: sorry, hand-held personal fire flame lighter
Friend: is it also hand operated?
Me: yes
Me: hand-held, hand operated personal fire flame lighter
Me: I think I lost mine in the great car cleaning of 2006
Friend: ok .. this is just sad ...
Me: what?
Friend: this is a line from an ad for the Oshkosh converntion and visitors bureau ...
Me: why are you looking at that in the first place?
Friend: "Notice what Oshkosh has to offer you ... From Sawdust Days to the Leach Ampitheater, Oshkosh guarantees you will notice the excitement of the city"
Friend: it is in a magazine
Friend: that's the best they could come up with??? sawdust days????
Friend: Oshkosh offers it all
Me: yeah, it seems to
Friend: I could never live there .. I would just feel too dumb saying the name all the time
Friend: Oshkosh - hey, it ryhmes
Friend: why didn't they just name it umpa lumpa and be done with it?

After this, both of us became silent for about 15 minutes as my friend read the conversation again. I was working.

This is what I received next.

Friend: haha
Friend: hahaha - pretty funny
Me: you re-read it?
Friend: our conversations are the weirdest, most random streams of thought
Friend: it's like a dream sequence during the REM phase of sleep

Best conversation for a rainy day. I hope you enjoyed our REM dream sequence.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Beer of the Weekend

Dear readers,

I am going to start a new wave of postings. I have decided that I should add my love of beer to my blog about lesbians. This blog will now feature the postings, "Beer of the Weekend". Look for it. Love it. Comment on it. Let's spice this baby up.

For the inaugural beer, I am going with my neighbors to the north. Surley brewing has an awesome selection for the almost fall/holding on to summer weather.

Grab a lawn chair.

Get the bocce ball ready.

Pop the top on the can.


Admire the aluminum.


Surly Cynic Ale, I salute you as my beer of the weekend.

Website tasting notes
Cynic - Oh great, a fizzy yellow beer in a can, that's just what the craft beer world needs! CnynicAle melds Old World ingredients in a new school style. French malted barley, English oats and Belgian yeast create honey & black pepper flavors. Lively Slovenian hops provide the floral, apricot and peach notes. Toss your doubts away, toss one back and enjoy!
IBUs - 33
ABV - 6.5%
Cans and Kegs Availabilty - Year Round

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Looking for answers?

Dear friends,

People are often looking for information that they are unable to find. For instance, I am always in need of help locating my watch, car keys, or answer to Newton's third law. When someone on facebook recently posted they were "looking for answers," I knew I could finally do some good for this world. I hopped online. Turned on the bat phone. Put on the bat signal. Telepathically communicated that I needed help from my buddy Steve. He replied. We created this list. I hope you are able to find what you are looking for.

1. It's in the top left dresser drawer
2. Turn right when you get to the end of the stop
3. Rosebud
4. x=2.495
5. Only if you don't go looking for trouble
6. In the eye of the beholder
7. If you believe He exists
8. 300
9. Sanford, Chickering and Holland
10. On Grand Ave
11. Panama Jack
12. John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Huckleberry Finn
13. No
14. Personal bank accounts at Washington Mutual
15. ID#886543925
16. Ear fungus
17. Indian lunch buffet
18. Dodgeball
19. Vegas on February 23, 2014
20. Case Western Reserve University
21. Scorpio
22. 37 IBU
23. Chicken fights
24. roast leg of lamb
25. time in a bottle
26. 6 of one, half a dozen of the other
27. shut your pie hole
28. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain
29. Turn this mother out
30. Monkeys
31. UW-Green Bay
32. Santa Fe, NM
33. Dogfish 120 Minute IPA
34. Deluxe mixed nuts
35. Take a right where the Miller's farm used to be
36. Tie a knot in it
37. Lindsey Lohan
38. Colonel Mustard in the library with the lead pipe
39. Unfiltered
40. San Fernando Valley
41. Mr. Withers
42. The third law
43. Firecrackers at dawn
44. Like taking candy from a baby
45 Jeepers
46. Lemon ricotta pancakes
47. Anti-itch cream
48. Tiny Tim
49. Don Knotts
50. Spicy crab dip

You are welcome,


Tuesday, September 1, 2009


Hello everyone,

I am on twitter.


Questionable Twatter


That's how I feel about Twitter. I have trouble with the whole thing. I have facebook, email, google chat, AIM, and....................twitter. It's almost a dirty word. Let me explain...

Since Grace the Spot has done an amazing new design with our own little bio pages, (which I will actually update soon) I decided to jump on the twitter wagon. Or is it called a twit-on-wheels? I figured since GtS readers actually read my stuff on the site, and I like the other writers, I would join this global Ashton phenomenon.

If you know me personally, you know that most of my facebook updates include useless information or are loaded with sarcasm. Some of my favorites include:
  • Would it be odd if I wore spurs and a cowboy hat to work so I could rustle up a decent Monday?
  • Can you write your dissertation through osmosis?
  • casts Magic Missile
  • is 3 sheets to the rainbow
  • is an elf in magical clothing
  • is more hardcore than assless chaps
  • is as gay as the baguette is long
  • "It doesn’t matter how you socially construct the grizzly bear; the grizzly bear can still eat you."
  • my hair is in the middle stages of grief

I also like to post contests, be captain obvious (i.e. "I am wearing pants.", "I live in Iowa.","I am a lesbian."), or pick songs that shouldn't have ever been written (and post them over and over and over again). Sometimes I rhyme, write in iambic pentameter, or post words I think are interesting and funny (i.e. pants, groin, moist, hegemony, etc.). I do this because I hate the world. Actually, I do this because it makes me laugh inside. Not a belly laugh, but a small chuckle in the lower reaches of my stomach. It's really more like a smirk. It's only when you laugh, that I laugh. Sometimes laughing can hurt the soul so much that you feel good about life.

Even though I lean more in favor of that, I get really politically lesbian sometimes. There are days where being serious is the only thing I can do. I call those the dark lesbian days. Emo has nothing on me. My soul hurts on those days. All I can do is lament with you or without you. This is why facebook exists. I throw it out there in the universe and see if anyone cares. Why not? We live in a world of EXTREME sharing. I can do it too. You care what I think, right? Ahhhhh the eternal question for all bloggers, twatters, and people who attach themselves to social networks.

Enter: Twitter. I don't know how to feel about you. You are my account for GtS and now Letters from the Lesbian Underground (The Dyke Express if you want to shorten it). Do I live in constant sarcasm? Do I write about my feelings in an oh-so-dark-lesbian sort of way? Do I do both? I don't know. I wrote something in Seussian sarcasm and I feel it was lost on there. Do I try again? Am I thinking about this too much? Probably. I don't care.

The problem is, people on facebook know me personally. People on twitter don't. This baffles me. People follow me and have no idea who I am as a person in the world. They only get what I give them. Will they understand my humor? Will they understand when I am being sarcastic versus dark and gloomy poli-dyke? I guess the only answer is that we shall see. We shall see if they understand. We shall see if they laugh. We shall see if they cry.

All I can do is tell you what is on my mind. Today it is monkeys.

What are you doing? Thinking about monkeys.

Only time will tell.

She tweeted when she should have twatted,


Grace the Spot relaunch

Grace the Spot has been updated with a new attitude and design.

The lesbians are real.

The posts are funny.

Check it out

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

Well, I guess we will find out. I am good at the whole absence thing.


Got married
Life went crazy
Realized I was a very standard lesbian
Life went crazy
Rinse and Repeat
Started work on dissertation
stopped work on dissertation
started work on dissertation
Starting writing again for Grace the Spot
Joined twitter for the second time
Continued to work
Wrote this blog

Do you feel up-to-date?


I will be posting on this site as much as possible. The postings might be a little sparse as the dissertation has fully taken over my life.

Please check my twitter account for more active updates. My name is GUnderfire. Add me.

You could quite possibly respect me more in the morning.



Tuesday, May 26, 2009

My thoughts.

My wife and I take off for California this Thursday and wonder what we will find in the state that has made so many decisions for us while we have been gone. What will we have to do to be recognized? What do we have to do to be safe?

Our story started when we decided to get married a year before our actual date (June 13, 2009) in order to make a stand toward equality in my home state. We went back and forth about going through with a pre-marriage in the courts but decided it was absolutely necessary. We are Mrs. and Mrs. now.

After that wonderful day, we saw our marriage try to be transformed through Proposition 8. We heard Mormon leaders, Focus on the Family, and other religious leaders talk about us as if we were animals that didn’t deserve the same rights as others. They called us, in every way, separate but equal. Abomination, sinner, future pedophile, not of God…you name it, we heard it. The same church I grew up in told me I was not allowed to share the same fundamental rights because of who I loved, not who I was. We stood up to take a stand against that. My wife and I love each other and will fight for our marriage and our faith every chance we get.

Proposition 8 passed and we sighed. We knew the fight was not over, but it was a sad day. Watching tv and reading the blogs, we awaited the Supreme Court decision that was released on Tuesday, May 26, 2009, hoping that the court would not uphold discrimination. We were mistaken again. It was another disappointing day in California. Meanwhile, Iowa, the state we currently live in while I am finishing my doctoral degree, made gay marriage legal. I feel like a yo-yo.

What I don’t think people understand is what this does to those around me. Yes, I do realize that it affects me, but this also affects those families I deeply care about. I am lucky to have friends and family that care about me, but they also have to see me struggle. They have to see me cry. They have to see us go through discrimination. They also have to see all of this under the shroud of religious law. Didn’t we learn our lesson when we tried to fight for slavery and banning interracial marriage using the bible? Don’t you find picking and choosing which verses to follow a little hypocritical?

Here’s what I know is certain. If you kick us down, we will stand back up again. You can make me cry, hate me, yell at me, say terrible things to me, you can disown me, but you CAN NOT break my spirit. I will be who I am forever. No matter how many bible verses you throw at me, my spirit will not break. My God loves me and it is up to Him to decide my fate. Your politics and your “pick-and-choose” religion will not break me. Jesus loves me! Buddha loves me! God loves me! You can’t take that away from a person no matter how much you try.

What saddens me most is that you are affecting yourself. Students and young people are turning away from specific religions because of their influence and focus on the individual lives of others. Church membership, overall, is going down over time. It will continue to decline the more you isolate and define worth based on identity. The world is changing. The world is evolving. No matter how hard you try, change will occur.

Right now, you are teaching your children that some people have more worth than others. You are slowly teaching them bullying tactics and displacing them from understanding equality. You are creating people who embrace discrimination and hate. To embrace hate under the shroud of religion is terribly sad. It is hurtful to those around me and to me. Teaching hate through worth is terrible.

Where do I stand right now? I am one of 18,000 couples to be put in another box. We are married in a state that does not really want us to be married. We are in gay limbo. If I may, how low can we go? Would you wish us to lose our rights and be treated as less-than? Probably. Based on the words I hear, I already know you feel this way. It’s not because we use the word marriage either. It’s because of who we are. It’s because of who we love. It’s because we are gay. Don’t shroud homophobia in the debate on gay marriage. This is all about worth, fear and hate.

Where do I stand right now? I am in a complicated place. Am I supposed to carry around my marriage license with me so you know I am married? Will you give me a special license for my pocket with my marriage number on it? How will I prove I am one of the 18,000? How will you prove another couple is not? Are you to start a database of all of us? How will this work? I have a lot more questions than I do answers. It’s quite an interesting place to be.

What I know. It is a happy day and a sad day. Most days are. I wake up not knowing what is going to happen next, but I rely on my friends and family (who still support me and talk to me) to get my back. I am very lucky. I just wish that some days could be easier…just a bit easier. Today is not that day. How about tomorrow?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Translations muddled through time

Original photo caption from facebook:
friend: "Iowa Jesus"
me: Want to come to my last supper in Iowa?
friend: Only if I can stay for the crucifixion.
me: Wasn't planning on having one of those. Was going to hit the road before the soldiers came to find me.
friend: Chicken ... no wonder you don't have any disciples.
me: Don't need them. I have you.
friend: :judas:

Dear friends,

I have been perusing the christian evangelical websites this morning (not only as a matter of practice, but to gain valuable insight into watching churches and ideologies evolve over time) and am still baffled by a few notions...

1. Being gay is a choice.
2. There are multiple levels of acceptance toward achieving "everlasting life."
3. The bible is followed specifically, except in certain regards. Each pastor/denomination makes their own decision as to what rules will be strictly followed. No one fact-checks at the church.
4. "Love the sinner, hate the sin" a quote spoken by Gandhi but referred as a Christian teaching by Christ.
5. Separation of which laws to follow in order to be a true Christian. There is not a clear delineation as to which rules, outside of the Ten Commandments, that Christians are to follow.

"Being gay is a choice" always gets me. I remember when I was back in High School and there was a clear effort toward explaining that the choice was made in following the entire lifestyle. There has been a recent shift in this understanding to the very Catholic notion of being chaste in response to your "homosexual tendencies." The thought is that you are gay, you can change that practice by understanding what it is to live a heterosexual lifestyle, while not condoning the "acts" of a homosexual lifestyle, boiling being gay to a clinical definition. This was the start to my baffled brain, but it got more interesting as I dove deeper into my theological/historical understanding of the topic...

I was having a conversation with my friend, an ex-minister from the Methodist church, and I found some peace in all of my thoughts. Since I don't want to misconstrue our original ideas, I am posting the conversation for you to read...

me: it still throws me off that people believe being gay is a choice
friend: do you think people really believe that? it doesn't make any sense
me: I think people really do believe it in the churches
friend: I think they just say that without really thinking about it. I think for most of those people, it would be more accurate for them to say they think you could choose not to engage in homosexual behavior.
like an alcoholic can choose not to drink
me: yeah, I think that is the new idea but it didn't used to be that
friend: yeah
me: it used to be that a choice was consciously chose to live that 'lifestyle'
friend: you are a sinner
me: I know...and a very good sinner at that.

8 minutes pass

me: let me get this right
friend: ok
me: the Old Testament is the biblical law
friend: no
me: while the new testament was written to refute the old laws
friend: wrong again
me: good to know
friend: haha
the "OT" contains many laws, directives, etc for the life of the Jewish people ... but there are lots of other writings in it
me: yes
friend: most of the NT was written for gentiles, not Jews
gentile Christians do not keep the law of moses
they are not Jews
Jesus and his disciples were Jews, though, so they kept the law
most of it anyway
me: yes. So, modern Christians are practicing two sets of laws
friend: there are some instances in the NT where it indicates that a revision/reinterpretation of the law is in order
me: one of the original Jewish tradition and one of the gentile is muddled
friend: no, modern Christians do not keep the law of the OT ... hell, even most modern Jews don't
only the hasidic Jews
friend: and even they don't keep all the law, because there is no temple ... without a temple there is no animal sacrifice
me: but when most laws are referenced, we move toward Leviticus and the Ten Commandments
Leviticus is the bulk of it
me: so, if the OT is the law that is supposed to be followed if you are a hasidic Jew, but Christian churches adopt some of these laws, that is not in accordance with the NT evolutionary response to the laws
friend: correct
and i don't know many Christians who follow the dietary restrictions of the OT
Also, there is a lot of confusion about the "sabbath day" The sabbath is Saturday, not Sunday ... and Christians do not keep the sabbath
me: yeah, well, that is true
The NT laws are, if I am correct, to follow and accept the teachings of Jesus, and to live out what has become the "Golden Rule."
friend: There is a lot of stuff beyond that, too
the epistles address the application of some of this stuff
me: of course, but the practices of evangelical Christians are based on a lot of the OT...I am finding this really interesting
friend: because they are stupid
regular people have no business reading the bible - they aren't equipped to understand it at all
you can quote me on that
me: I just might
friend: one of the problems with American evangelicalism has been that many denominations and splinter groups did not have the same standards of education for their clergy, as the mainline churches had established for many years. there are some well educated conservatives, but there are a whole lot more conservative clergy with little education than there are liberal ones
me: yes, that is true...also, there is not practicing accreditation for the schools that exist within the different denominations
friend: for example, a United Methodist minister needs to have a masters degree ... but it isn't needed for the free Methodists and Wesleyan (much more conservative denominations)
me: Some people can "preach the gospel" with a bachelor's in psychology but an internship or a fellowship with a specific denomination
friend: and in a lot of pentecostal/charismatic groups, no formal education at all was required
me: yes, and a lot of people I knew who preached in those churches had less formal biblical training than I did at my Christian Junior High
friend: yep
and whatever training and course work they have had, is very indoctrinated
me: It became a "preaching from the heart" set-up....or, as some people put it, God speaking through you, just as the bible was written
friend: the more education you get about the bible, religion, and theology, the less you know
me: Yes, the same is true for most Ph.D. students who agree that the more you learn, the less you know
If you are unwilling to look beyond the surface, the surface seems infallible
friend: so ... people who aren't educated shouldn't be trying to read the bible because they have no idea what the hell they are reading
me: I find the teachings of Jesus had everything to do with mentioning how fallible we truly were as a people. This idea that the He was sent here to help us understand what we were doing wrong. Essentially, the use of the OT should help us explain our faults v. using it to explain how we should live
friend: its all a bunch of poppycock anyways ...
first of all, you have to ask who decided what writings would be in the bible, and why ... and what did they leave out
second, even the NT writings weren't actually written until at least 100 years after Jesus' lifetime, so it is a lot of oral tradition compiled and edited before being written
me: yeah, but that is where this notion of "written by God through man" has become the answer to refute
friend: third, there are literally hundreds and hundreds of textual variations out there ... there is no single authoritative copy of any single book of the bible .. scholars have pieced it together taking bits and pieces from a variety of manuscripts
fourth, you can see the seams of editing within the text (though it is easier to spot in the original languages) .. even within a single narrative or story, for example, there are often threads taken form several sources
me: which is the way of scholarly writing
friend: read the creation narrative ... there are 2 different stories there, and the order in which god creates stuff is different
me: I agree
I tend to use the Gospels as my version of that teaching...all four have different stories of how the actual event went down
some of the Gospels contradict the others with time and place
friend: exactly...john's account of the passion has Jesus being killed on a different day
throughout most of the OT, there are at least 3 different names regularly used to refer to go
his [John's] account is more symbolic in nature, so Jesus is slaughtered as the "passover lamb" ... in the synoptic gospels, the last supper is the passover meal and Jesus is killed the next day
me: Eh, it all boils down to what you want to believe and what you can believe based on your own faith practices
friend: except people are basing their beliefs on stuff that isn't true and/or they don't understand
me: well yes, that is true. Somehow people in power encouraged others to stop questioning and follow blindly
so, we have a group of people who read the bible, question the bible without a historical context or background in translating historical documents, have a lack of education toward theological practices, and they are growing in larger numbers toward taking the lack of understanding to a political perspective or ideological front
friend: it would be like you collecting all the papers in your grandmothers house after she died - letters, newspapers, old mail, etc - and putting it all together, along with a bunch of stories you knew about her ... then passing that info along orally for about 2000 years, and then someone finally begins writing some of it down.
who the hell would understand any of it?
me: and all of this is done "in the name of" a person they have never met, the people who wrote the books never met, and a power far greater than a human could or would be able to comprehend
friend: oh yeah - you not only have to pass it along for 2000 years, but then translate it into differntr languages for people in entirely different cultures
its freakin' absurd
me: yes, so I am planning on keeping all of my gmail records in the event that some person in Japan wants to hear the story of a Christian Lesbian with a penchant for weightlifting and beer
friend: in 2000 years
me: well yes, that is, assuming that none of it would have attached a virus, been changed by an ex-girlfriend, or been taken completely out of context due to the date on the email being wrong
It's like the "date created" and the "date changed" due to someone opening the document
only someone could guess when I had originally written the document and gathered enough speculation through hints left within the document toward what time period I would have written a rant against someone I used to date
ahhh, I hope I am able to be a God one day
friend: me too
me: okay, I am posting this in my blog now

While I get to some of the above bullets in my conversation with my friend, some of them still need to be explored. As Prop 8 still looms over me, I take my biblical conversations slowly. I have never been anything but who I am. I would define myself by my Christian upbringing, who studied Taoism and Buddhism semi-extensively, has read the bible from beginning to end, and who practices a modern interpretation (taking into account a cultural historical past and a political leadership during the time of the writing of texts and manuscripts...along with an understanding that language serves to evolve and change due to those who are translating the language through time).

What I find interesting about all my conversations about religion and dogmatic structures/laws has everything to do with the credence I give to those opinions of who discuss these issues with me. If faith plays a major role in belief structures of the individual, I am talking to someone who sees their perspective as "truth". This is so personal. Just as my life, living as an openly unapologetic Dyke, my life is truth. Religion is muddled in fact, fiction, belief, feeling, passion, extraordinary faith in people, and surrender. Those statements and disclosure of the churches unwillingness to bring everyone together still baffles me if credence should be given to everyone's faith. If the teachings of Jesus were followed, everyone would be accepted for who they were or are. Where we get muddled is "my truth is different than your truth"...just as my life is different than your life.

I will continue to pursue thought toward this subject, as I believe this is the newest "holy war" going on in America. The war toward understanding is fought in muddled uncertainty toward a universal understanding, but holds truth in individual feelings, thoughts, and translations of "truth". Interesting, very interesting....

What are some of your thoughts,


Thursday, March 12, 2009


Dear friends,

Seasonal depression grabbed hold and I was attacked. I am slowly coming out of my complete hate for all things winter, but I am going at the pace of a one-celled amoeba.

Go to Grace the Spot to find my bits of energy.

I will be back when the sun comes out.


Monday, February 23, 2009


Dear friends,

I watched the Oscars this year, and what an intense show. They have finally made it somewhat like the Tony Awards. I guess that is what you get when you are at your final shot trying to get people to actually watch the show. Since most of the highest grossing movies never get nominated, the Oscars has seen a decrease in viewership. Enter: Hugh Jackman, Beyonce, and a more personal and intimate show. If you missed it, I just thought I would give you my favorite acceptance speech of the night.

Did anyone else watch?,


Thursday, February 19, 2009

The new and improved Underground.

Dear friends,

I have spent the afternoon messing with the layout of my blog and some of the finer points. When I first started this road, I aimed for a semi-or-overtly political lesbian blog....that was more than taken, but I was mad. Prop 8 had happened and my life seemed in shambles. The more the blog has evolved, the more it has really evolved to represent me. I have added the humor back to my life. I have added the Stacy back to my writing.

While I am still overly peeved about Prop 8 and the lack of equality in the country, I am willing to push the hyper-political dyke to the side. With that, a change in quotes, layout, and color were in order. So welcome to the new Lesbian Underground.

I will still greet you with my play on McCain's "Dear friends." I will still share with you the life I lead. I will still share my struggles politically and socially. This will not change. What will change is the addition of the softer side of Stacy. I plan to bring that out and the sarcastic and (attempt at) witty writing.

For all those who have been with me from the start, thank you. I hope you enjoy the new direction. Keep, comment away. I always love feedback.

oh yeah, read Grace the Spot. I do enjoy writing for them. Plus, we won Best Humor Blog from The Lesbian Lifestyle 2008 Lezzy awards. Woohoo!

So, with that, I hope you enjoy.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Songs that changed my life


Thanks to Facebook, I received a forward that required me to spend time reflecting on music that has affected my life. Since lesbians love to remember the songs that changed their lives, moody songs, and summing up their lives in lyrics by their favorite artists, I spent three hours reviewing the albums and songs that have changed my life.

I have a strong belief that the list below is a must for all individuals to listen and reflect. These are songs and albums that have affected generations and lives. These are my "must listen" songs...

Please add some if you think I need to hear them. Also, I do know that most of these are folk or folk rock...I can't help it...the lesbian runs through me.


"Blessed" by Brett Dennen
"Sounds of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel
"I am a rock" by Simon and Garfunkel
"Radical" by Catie Curtis
"See the World" by Gomez
"Quidam" by Cirque du Soleil
"Turn! Turn! Turn!" The Byrds
"Blowin' in the wind" Bob Dylan
"The Times They Are A-Changin'" by Bob Dylan
"Will you be the one" by Melissa Ferrick
"Magnolia Street" by Catie Curtis
"Power of Two" by Indigo Girls
"Closer to Fine" by Indigo Girls
"World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies
"A Long December" by Counting Crows
"Let it Be" by The Beatles
"Another brick in the wall" by Pink Floyd
"Terrapin Station" by The Grateful Dead
"Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode
California Dreamin’ by The Mamas and the Papas
Runaway – Del Shannon


Simon and Garfunkel Live in Central Park
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles
The White Album - The Beatles
Graceland - Paul Simon
Pet Sounds - The Beach Boys
Bob Dylan: The Collection (you can't just name one album for this man)
Greatest Hits – The Byrds
Brett Dennen - Brett Dennen
Truth from Lies - Catie Curtis
Say I am You - The Weepies
White Ladder - David Gray
August and Everything After - Counting Crows
Bring it On - Gomez
The Best of Donovan - Donovan
The Joshua Tree – U2
Revolver – The Beatles
At Folsom Prison – Johnny Cash
Valentine Heartache - Melissa Ferrick
Rage Against the Machine – Rage Against the Machine
Riding with the King – B.B. King and Eric Clapton

Hope you enjoy,


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Stolen lines #2

"Ghosts definitely live here," I say (in obvious repetition and concern). "They f**king definitely live here?" Is the explative really necessary? That's what the landlord told me and I questioned when I was thinking of moving into a house in Iowa. Are you kidding me? That's how you try to get me to move in? Do you think I'm Dan Akroyd (circa too long ago)? Is that your new selling point? Has that worked in the past?

"I think I will move somewhere else," I tell her. "Unless this ghost has a Ph.D. and can type my paper for me, I think the apartment where I currently reside will work just fine."

The landlord tells me to have a good day...thanks....

In my mind, this would make one hell of a story for the grandkids. Why is it that people think every single house is haunted? There's an apartment building being built on an old corn field and people are already starting in with the ghost stories. "I heard the door shut in my apartment across the street from construction. I bet there is a ghost that is really pissed off" my neighbor says. Seriously? The 30-40 mph winds couldn't have done it? It wasn't a ghost and this isn't an Indian buriel ground. Knock it off.

Ghostbusters was a good movie. Scary films are not my thing, but I can give you some latitude on your fascination. If my Friday night is terrible, I sometimes actually watch the Ghost Whisperer. I get it. We like ghosts. Hell, I still listen to Oingo Boingo specifically for Dead Man's Party. Even though we have all this, does every bloody place have to be haunted?

When does it end? When does it stop. When does Davey Jones stay in his locker? Also, why are there never any lesbian ghosts?????? Are ghosts always straight? Seriously.


This is a post of the Emergency Blogcast System....this is only a post...

I stole the first line of this post from You'll Never Eat Lunch in This town Again, by Julia Phillips. There's a blog you have to read that had an idea. This idea was good. I stole the line to continue the idea. So can you.

Go to LAW WITH GRACE to find out the details. The blog rocks. READ IT!

This is a post of the Emergency Blogcast System....this is only a post...

I ain't afraid of no ghosts,


This is harder than a hallmark moment...


Get out kleenex. Forget that...grab a towel. This one is buckets of Hallmark moments combined with a cute puppy, a walk on the beach, a hammer to the heart, and 12,000 sappy movies combined into one waterworks moment.

Watch this video. Seriously, just watch it. I nearly was wonderful.

As one of the couples, I thank anyone and everyone associated with this video.

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

With towel covering eyes,