My fingers are crossed

October 30, 2008

Dear friends,

For the past few weeks/months/years, I have been worried about this election. I live under the daily assumption that hell is going to open up, the voting machines tampered with, and McCain will be President. Satan will then pop up, a la someone's surprise party, and yell, "GOTCHA!" At that point, all the minions of hell will start shooting their NRA-approved Israeli Assault Rifles, shoot all the gays, liberals, liberal elite media, and anyone that is not a WASP or owns the company these people work/worked at while alive.

I don't think I am too far off from the reality we are living in right now. I felt like the 2004 election was someone from the (right) church running up to me with both middle-fingers up in the air yelling, "SUCKA'!" Again, I am not too far off from the reality. I feel like I have been screwed at every angle for the past four years in regard to the economy and in policy issues.

Let's take this past year as an example. My wife and I "had" to marry early in order to "possibly" stay married through another election cycle. If Prop 8 passes, my life will be up for debate in court. Excellent. I will have to defend my civil rights. I will make a vow to all of you now. If Prop 8 passes, I am taking everyone off my facebook that I know to be in support. I am tired of playing nice. I find the fight to play nice is very hard when the people on the other side are not. It's like a bully in a schoolyard. I have been picked on, abused, and tossed aside by a government and religious majority and if this passes, I am getting up and kicking ass while taking names. All my friends will be behind me. Eventually, bullies don't get away with it anymore. We grow up. We make money. We take back what was ours...ugh, can you see why this election needs to be over. I don't think I have had a bully free night in a long time.

I watched last night and couldn't help think, "I will be telling my children about this election." I haven't felt as passionate or in great need since Clinton in 1996. The country was in a good place and I felt protected. For the past 8 years, I feel like I have been abused and battered. I have felt knocked down, torn apart, and constantly running. I just hope I am able to relay to my children the day I finally felt free to feel good. The day I felt protected. I am so afraid of the other reality. That is one I should have never known.

There is a division and holy war happening in America right now. There is a constant battle with trying to create a united church and state. This angers me and confuses me. Who decided on our president being our moral compass? I surely didn't, nor did I ask for that type of watchdog on my life. I prefer to keep track of my life on my own.

I am scared for this Tuesday. I could be coming back to a CA that is not supportive. I love my family of friends and relatives, but this would be like receiving a celebration cake every day of the year. I am crossing my fingers...

Fingers crossed,

Stacy