When the words are no longer there....hire them

My writing/speaking, like my trying to figure out Proposition 8, are struggling so immensely right now that I am thinking of hiring an advising staff for Team Dyketastic Funkalicious (aka Team Stacy). I am looking to hire someone who will stand next to me, listen to me say what I want to say, then write or orate it to the public. I figure that is the next step I should take. It happens to be the same way I looked at Proposition 8. I keep my straight friends around to try to explain why the damn thing passed. I look astonished, questioning my life in my gay vacuum, and they say, "The real reason it didn't pass really had a lot to do with...." I then put my hands up and say, "I don't understand most straight people." Their answer is eloquent and thoughtful...mine is unresponsive and lacks pizazz. Eh, what can you do?

This is why I want to hire a verbal bodyguard. I am done talking. I am done writing. I leave the house and wonder if I have any thoughts left in my mind. My wife calls to ask whether I want Chinese or BBQ for dinner and I have a panic attack. "I CAN'T DECIDE! THIS IS JUST TOO HARD!!!" If I had my verbal bodyguard, none of this would happen. I would whisper in his ear that I can not decide and how hard it is for me to, and he would say, "She wants Chinese." After all, that is what I would pay him to do. He is my first, last, and only line of defense. I think I will call him Dandy.

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel the more I learn about the world, the less I really understand or can reiterate. I can tell you why Racism is endemic, but I couldn't tell you which street a friend of mine lives on that I frequent. I know that she has a cat, but that is not helpful when trying to tell someone else how to get to her house. If I had Dandy, this would not be a problem. Dandy would be able to tell you all about said friend while I just said, "College Football is racist in its practice on the campus of...." No one really cares about what I am saying, but Dandy is still keeping me somewhat cool among friends and friends-of-friends. The real reason is that Dandy would rock. He would be so cool that I wouldn't even be able to handle it. I will still be someone who can't speak a coherent sentence to save her life, but that wouldn't matter with Dandy around. I would be able to use Dandy for my own street cred.

I see this happening soon. The more I live, the less I know. As the sentences become longer and drawn out because of the lengthening "Uhhhhhh" and "hmmmmmm....uhhhhhhh" I will finally put out an ad for Dandy. I sure hope he likes beer...my Dandy better like beer.

I know I was supposed to say something here....

Stacy