Conversations about marriage

June 5, 2008

Dear friends,

I have been online all morning thinking about this upcoming summer and the November Election. Equality California, one of the leading advocacy groups for gay marriage in California, posted the recent news of the amendment on the bill for the November election named Proposition 8. The Bill, sponsored by right wing individuals, with the help of churches and people outside of California whose sole goal is to defend "marriage" around the country, was announced as active and on the November 2008 ballot.

What does this mean for me?

Well, a few things, which I am going to talk about in this blog.
1. The right to marry could be overturned in California. My partner and I will not be able to be a legal union and could possibly lose all domestic benefits, depending on what the measure actually states.
2. My partner and I might try to move our wedding date up to Christmas 2008.
3. As per a conversation with my mother, it brings up feelings most people don't have or will never think about in their lifetime.

Myself: it's interesting...I never, in my wildest dreams, would have imagined my life to be a political statement
Mom: well, me either
Myself: hmm...just very crazy

I wonder about this all the time. I wake up in the morning knowing that living my life the only way I know how is a political statement. By giving my parnter a hug and kiss and telling her I love her offends people. I make people mad by being alive. How many people wake up thinking this?

Do I think about this everyday?

Yes.

I really do. I can't help it. It is hard to get stares from people when you walk into a room. You don't think this actually happens, but it does. I know when people are talking about me. I know why they are talking about me. It's crazy.

When people see me, they assume I am gay (which I want) and place that as my full identity. They don't see that I am the best partner I can be. They don't see how much I love my partner. They don't see my love of dogs (especially Buddy, our beloved West Highland White Terrier known as "buddy bear"). They don't know my past. They don't know my loves. They don't know my aspirations. They only see what I look like, who I am holding the hand of, and one room in my house as a definition of who I am.

Am I a political statement? Yes. I am walking politics. Are you a political statement? Are you protected by the law? Are you worried about what someone might do to you based on who you love?

Why do I want marriage.
Mom:...this is largely symbolic anyway...your october ceremony will be as official as any marriage is, since marriage in my mind is religious in nature...civil union still exists
Myself: yeah, I guess so
Mom: the idea of marriage is deeply personal...if you commit to each other in a religious ceremony, then that's binding on you emotionally, spiritually...
Myself: yeah, I know
Mom: i do understand why you want to do it before november, though
Mom: hard to pass up
Myself: yeah, it's more of the notion of being one of the numbers. If a whole lot of people get married and people overturn it, it is very symbolic
Myself: and the idea that I was "married" for even a whole day
Myself: would be neat
Myself: and meaningful
Mom: true

I want my life to be real and meaningful. I just want it to be equal. I would like to not fear having children and worrying about them getting hurt because the laws don't side in their parents favor. I want them to be protected. I want to be protected. I want what others have but are not really willing to fight for others to have.

Is this a lot to ask. I don't know. I guess we will just wait to see when November comes around.