Dear friends,
I did it. I survived an ultra-conservative evangelical McCain-voting "worried about the gays" Thanksgiving at the in-laws. I also did it without shaking my head more than about 5 times and without saying, "Oh Lord" under my breath. It seems I am growing up...either that, or I would like to keep my wife from divorcing me.
What I did not survive was the trip to rural Iowa. It seems they don't like the gays in certain parts of this state. I was harassed at a VERY local bar after I almost beat the "Ultimate Straight Guy" contest winner at pool. I think when I said that I was not in a pool league and not from around there, he took a liking to being overly rude. I stood up for myself a bit longer than I should have and had to be taken to the other room by my wife and her sister. Ahhh, good times.
The other eventful moment was Black Friday at Walmart. A few missing teeth and no showers for some people, thanking God for my allergies and inability to breathe fully, and I was set to watch the mayhem commence. I have officially never seen anything like it, barring news reports from back in the Tickle-me-Elmo days. People were swarmed around slabs of xbox 360 packs, portable dvd players, giant screen HDTV deals, etc....and then over the wonderful Walmart speaker system, right at 5am, the BUZZER SOUNDED! They were off. Elbows flying, people wrestling to get the last of the Doorbusters, and then rushing to the front with minimal bruising. My wife told the tale of how a group of people near the portable dvd players banded together to form an alliance against the other people around the slab of electronics. They formed a cart barrier and worked together to defeat the farmers and come out victorious. I would wake up just to see this event take place again.
After a few more stores and finding the "deals of a lifetime," we went back home and crashed. There really is only so much shopping a dyke can handle. Oh boy, thinking back, I would definitely do it again. Good times to be had by all.
So, I can report back that I survived with minimal exposure to all things Palin. I did not cause a scene, and I did drink a lot of Folgers coffee. I wouldn't call myself thrilled, but I would consider myself victorious in my struggle to fight the powers of sarcasm and the agents of small-town doom.
Here's to next year,
Stacy
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My Weekend Crush
1 day ago
2 comments:
First, of all, I feel I need to set the record straight here: those "in-laws" of yours are actually my "step-family" members, not my immediate relatives. And my immediate relatives are not actually homophobic, McCain-loving, church-goers... Ok, let me re-phrase that: Most of my immediate family members are actually democrats and many of them don't go to church every Sunday...LOL!
Moving on...It's true, Stacy did kick some ass in pool and then almost got her ass kicked, literally! You'll have to ask her to tell you the full story sometime, because it is quite entertaining...now that we made it out alive! :)
Last, but not least: My plan of forming an alliance in order to obtain 2 highly sought after portable dvd players worked like a charm...However, my foster brothers better be extra appreciative, because our cart barrier only held for so long...I have bruises! LOL!
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