After a month of talking extensively (giving you any information at all) about my relationship with my partner, our marriage, and my political opinions about Proposition 8, I feel, in my sincerest prose, you do not know much about me as a person outside of my political stance. I mean that in my sincerest prose, alas, fair maiden, you will know me well.
I want to do this in a rather different way, because I also want to plug this new website I was directed to. Every lesbian wants to find someone who speaks to them, outside of Ani, Catie, Melissa or The Indigo Girls. We yearn for connection in our community. We go to gay bars to find out how good we feel about ourselves, specifically in regard to how sane we are compared to "other lesbians." So, I hope to weave Grace on the Spot into this blog and use myself as the example...I call this, "Lesbian Like Me."
The next quips provide a short description of who I am in relation to my Dyke/Lesbian identity. The inspiration is guided by stereotype and fueled by an appreciation for self-deprecation. Enjoy!
1. Lesbians blog. I think it is our form of cave writing. Since we are indigenous to America and under attack, we make sure to keep our culture alive through markings and script we call English (in this country).
Part 26: We Blog
I don't offer much in response, but blogging is part of our narrative and our survival skills. I blog, therefore I am.
2. We blog because we care. This is really the reason why. There are currently many different lenses you could look at this from (we are narcissistic, we enjoy gossip, we love a good cause, etc.), but I choose "we care." We also care because we are still in the process of politicising ourselves.
Part 38: Being overly sensitive due to an increased sense of political awareness
Perhaps because of our tendency to be over-educated, lesbians have an increased sense of political awareness. This lesbian seventh sense (gaydar is the 6th sense, you know) leads to hyper-sensitivity and being judgmental of less “enlightened” persons.
But first things first. When I use the term “lesbian,” I am using it to encompass all lesbian, queer, questioning, woman-loving-woman, and non-heterosexually-identified (LQQWLWNH) biological females not including men who may identify as lesbians, female-to-male transgender persons, male-to-female transgender persons, bisexual women, pansexuals, gender-queer individuals who do not identify as lesbian, sporty heterosexual women, and women who only make out with other women when they are drunk as part of a male-attention-seeking endeavor.
To be clear, the last part is specifically for Katie Perry and women who attend women's colleges who are LUGs (Lesbian Until Graduation). We like to make it more complicated than just gay or lesbian. You are not truly gay until you can do a doctoral dissertation on how you identify.
Since I am a simple person, I choose either Dyke, Lesbian, Queer, or Gay, depending on if I want to make people a little more angry or I find your question so boring, I don't care. The latter is where gay or lesbian comes in. Those identities are mundane and require nothing more than, "I'm gay." This is generally spoken in the same tone of being asked what your favorite color is. This question is generally followed by, "How did you know?" Ugh. Really? Is that really interesting for you? Some days, I feel the need to make business cards with my "coming out story" just so I can hand them to people instead of sitting there telling someone who finds me "interesting/fascinating." Maybe I should just start answering, "I like the color blue." I don't know yet.
3. I am in grad school. This is my third degree. Even though I am constantly saying, "I will never get another degree," I am already considering what my next will be. Right now, it is between Theology, Queer Studies, or Counseling. I don't think I will do another Ph.D., but I will never say never. Master's degrees are MUCH less intense and more practitioner based, so that would be my plan.
Part 1: Grad School
Uncle Sam, the benevolent patriarch, will take care of her by extending her more student loans! Would you like a Masters in Gender Studies (”Lesbian Meat Market 201″) with those fries? How about a PhD in Sexuality Studies (”Lesbian Meat Market 301″) with that shake? She can spend another few years pontificating ideas and theories inapplicable outside of the Ivory Tower and most of all… using big words and sounding “smart” and “clever” while flirting with other lesbians! Sure, you can go to Amazon.com and buy a text by Michel Foucault for $10, but if you ask Uncle Sam for $30,000 to read Foucault at a
Since I have no student loans and work in financial aid, I understand the pitfalls, but I find a lot of lesbians who do not. My wife is one of them. She has enough student loans from her undergrad for us to pay off. I encourage people to only go to grad school if they A) have a death wish, B) wish to talk about random acts of marginalization, and C) you are a sadist. I believe I fit in all categories.
4. I am a beer snob. I call it like I see it. I don't drink anything except beer or wine. That might take me out of the lesbian circle, but firmly establishes my Dyke-side. Beer is the official Dyke drink. There are no statistics that can help establish this as universal truth, but I use my own experiences to guide me and allow me to create a master narrative around this.
Every single time I go to a gay bar, I find that there are always three things I can count on.
A. The Dykes will be drinking beer.
B. The Dykes will be near the pool tables (this could be the reason why)
C. The gay men will own the dance floor
If you are not in a gay bar, lesbians can be found at microbreweries or at wineries where they are closeted, unless they are in Sonoma or Healdsburg, CA. You can spot the lesbian crowd by the one Dyke they bring with them that forgets to look more straight. I am usually that Dyke. At microbreweries, the lesbians can be seen ordering the sampler. The Dyke will be the one who knows everything about the beer. On "Stuff Lesbians Like" these Dykes are referred to as "Advanced Lesbians."
Part 46: Beer Samplers
Advanced lesbians will throw in fancy acronyms like ABV and IPA, and use the word “hoppy” instead of the word “bitter.” Highly advanced lesbians have even been known to discuss things like the difference between Golding hops and Willamette hops.
Willamette hops are better.
5. Lesbians DO NOT finish things. For instance, I am getting tired of writing this particular blog and find it necessary to give you links instead of chatting about specifics.
Part 53: Dating difficult girls - DONE IT.
Part 57: Wanting famous women to be lesbians even though we have no chance with them - MARISKA HARGITAY.
Part 58: The "is she or isn't she" game - SHE IS.
Part 71: : "It's complicated" - YOU DON'T WANT TO GO THERE...TRUST ME.
I have given you a smattering of lesbian-likes that will help you in your quest for more understanding. At the heart of every lesbian there are multiple levels of "complicated." This holds true for lesbians, straight men and women, trans-_____, and gay men. We are the same as you. We have our quirks. We have our complexes. We also have our drama.
I am a woman-married-to-a-woman-who-loves-women-who-owns-a-dog-is-from-California-in-grad-school-in-Iowa-who-can't-wait-to-move-back....you see where this is going. Identities are unique to each of us, but we all understand stereotypes. For white identity, I refer you to http://www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/. That will help you to understand a little bit more about me. After all, did I really give you that much new information in this post? Part 3,486: most lesbians want to be a mystery.
The important thing to know is that we are more alike than we are different. We each have our own set of survival skills and stereotypes that give people an image of us. We share in the struggle to find who we love and create lasting Romeo and Juliet relationships.
Just remember
Juliet:'Tis almost morning, I would have thee gone—And yet no farther than a wan-ton's bird,That lets it hop a little from his hand,Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves,And with a silken thread plucks it back again,So loving-jealous of his liberty.
Romeo:I would I were thy bird.
Juliet:Sweet, so would I,Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,That I shall say good night till it be morrow. [Exit above]
Romeo And Juliet Act 2, scene 2, 176–185
Part 197: "Advanced Lesbians" LOVE quoting Shakespeare
Lord what fools these mortals be,
Stacy
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